Things We Suck At

You know what we suck at?  Okay, maybe it's just me, but I'm betting not.  We suck at being open enough to say I'm not doing so well, I'm hurting...I'm not sure I can do this.  I'm struggling.  Granted we have to have a safe place to do just that.  But sometimes we don't share the burden even when we do.

Now you can share the burden and the outcome may be the same.  Or you can share the burden and things are entirely different.  Even if the outcome is the same.  We need a safe place to be a hot mess. I see this in the world of animal rescue and I see it in human relationships.

We have foster dogs who come in with no sense of what is acceptable or not.  No sense of a loving gentle hand.  Funny, humans have the same issues.  We react to drama, to trauma, to lack of love.  We might lash out, or withdraw, we might bite the hand that feeds us.  Pretty sure every foster dog we've had came in with the need to let go of the past, and find love in the future.  They could just be, hot mess and all, and we could love them to newness. Is it easy? No. Is it the same journey every time. Never.  It involves risk. The risk of owning our struggles. Of owning our journey. And it's messy. Lord knows we don't like messy.  Messy suggests a lack of control.  Holy moley, who has a surplus of control in their lives?  Not me, for sure.

Now while we may suck at things it doesn't mean they have to define us.  If you have a need to connect, the connection will be provided.  Your job is to take that risk and embrace the outcome. It's okay to not have it all together. It's okay to struggle. And it's a blessing to share that we do. Trust me on this one.

What do you believe?

What if you are stuck in the "I can't" instead of the "I Can".  Paralyzed by the "it will never" instead of open to the "yes, it can".  What if your ears were relieved of the minutia of life so that you could hear the divine.  What if? What if?

Maybe then you would see the gifts, the opportunities.  Perhaps then you could see the miracles. What is stopping you?  Is it pride? Is it fear? Is it being comfortable with the chaos instead of letting go and moving on?  Perhaps the pain and suffering is necessary.  I rather think it is.

What if we were quick learners instead of slow learners?  What if hitting bottom was the beginning, not the end.

I can't learn your lessons for you.  I can share my thoughts, make suggestions.  In the end your heart is open or it's closed.  There is not much middle ground.  One way everything is a miracle, and the other nothing is.  Listen carefully.

Momming

I've been a Mom for a long time.  Long enough that I wish I could go back and do those younger years over.  So I could sit and read to them, or rock them to sleep, or hold their hands as we crossed the street.  Now I find the roles have shifted somewhat.  I go to them for help and encouragement as much as they come to me.  Maybe more.

Sometimes I still can't resist saying typical Mom things.  Let me know when you get home, make wise choices.  Remember my birthday is in August and you don't forget me when you win the lottery.

I'll admit to envying people who have close, loving, healthy relationships with their Mom's.  Mine relationship was never exactly where I wanted it to be.  So I feel both envious and a bit detached on Mother's Day. It is what it is. I know without that relationship I would not be the Mom I am today. So for that I give many thanks.

I'm probably more versatile at being a dog Mom, than I was a human Mom.  Dog throws up, no big deal. Clean it up, move on. Baby throws up, I'd get a bit excited.  Toddler throws up and I shared the urge to hurl myself, sometimes I did. I do find it telling that we have three dogs at all times, the same number of children I had. Two males and a female...another interesting coincidence.  Not planned, but a happy bit of serendipity.

For Mom's I hope and pray it fills your heart, it does mine.  If you don't have children of your own, I hope you find children to connect with and share your love.  All of us need a little Mothering, a tender touch, a shoulder to lean on.  All of us have a child within who needs acceptance and encouragement.  Be that person.

Be Still

Ahhhhh.....be still.  So many possibilities, so many struggles.  Am I talking Psalm 46:10? Or am I talking in other generalities.  Yes, yes I am.  Be still. Be still and know. Be still and know that I am God, as the beautiful psalm says.

Maybe it's the issue of slowing down enough to be still.  I have a horrible time with that.  Slowing down my thoughts, my activities, my responsibilities enough to just be still.  Being still enough to take a deep breath.  Being still enough to be aware.  Mostly I'm scrambling to get to the next thing.

I don't know about you, but I need to work on this.  Well,  perhaps not work, but to embrace this. Embracing is good.  I work enough, probably too much, I long to embrace more.  I live in the beautiful middle of nowhere and I can't seem to sit and enjoy it.  I can't hear the silence and sometimes my eyes miss the beauty.

So many times I say I can't, when really I won't.  Arghhh....tell me I'm not alone in this and let's work together on changing it.  Case in point, the dogs. They think nothing of sleeping in the sun, rolling in the grass, running for the sheer joy of it.  I'd have to get a note from my boss and schedule a day off for simple pleasures like this. Oh, wait, I am the boss of my own life.  I don't need a note, but I do need to pencil it in and follow through.

What do you need to be still?  Gardening can be a form of being still. If your mind set is calm and peaceful.  Reading can be being still.  Napping is an amazing way to be still.  Consciously breathing counts as being still.  Being still long enough to find your sense of humor is a good thing too.  So my wish is for you and I to be still.  Let me know how that goes for you.





 

Way Ahead Or Way Behind

For the last couple years our goal has been to add more tree's to our little piece of heaven on earth. Tree's - so many plans, so many dreams.  Cherry tree's - tried twice, with no luck.  Curly willow's - yup, courtesy of stems rooted that would have been trash at the flower shop.  We have two, with plans for more.  Apple tree's on the list.  Peach tree - check.  Thanks to my kids.  Last fall we tried to transplant Aspens and an Oak.  Fail.  Nothing ventured nothing gained.

I cringe when the county comes through and digs up perfectly good tree's that are too close to the road.  I hate to see tree's felled for housing developments and farming.  No offense to the developers and the farmers.  I just love tree's.

We should be more like them.  Able to bend with the storms of life.  Able to put down roots and reach for the stars.  Able to blossom, leaf out and then shed the leaves when the season is over.  Many of us struggle with shedding what no longer serves us well.  Would that we could give shade and shelter like a tree does.

So today we planted two tree's.  That makes us either well ahead of this year's game plan, or way behind last year's. I'm calling it a win.  We planted a pine tree in the back yard.  We prayed it would grow strong and sturdy. Giving the birds a place to nest, the squirrels safety from the dogs, and the dogs a place to pee.  Proof that tree's multitask too.  We also planted a Bald Cypress.  It's been on my wish list ever since we moved.  Now, as a rule I suck at tree identification. But I had a Cypress "in the city" and I loved it. Sometimes you need to bring a bit of those other homes along with you.  We named it Marti, by the way.  In honor of my mother-in-law who passed on last year.  Special memories for a special tree.

I haven't given up on cherry trees, aspens, river birches or oaks. Apples, apricots, pears or another Persian walnut. They are just seeds that will take a little longer to produce.  The best part was working together to plant them.  Planting them to bless the land.  And, trusting they will grace us in the days ahead.

Pivotal Moments

At the end of the day it's time to take stock.  To examine. To sort out the details, to search for the humor and yes, the pivotal moments of your day.  To find the meaning.  Some days, it's on a scale as grand as the horizon.  Some days it's a scramble to fill a thimble full.  Still we try.

We're at the part of the year where spring is upon us and winter still pokes at us.  We see the flowers starting to bloom, the tree's start to leaf out and yet the fields are still not ready for planting.  We want the warmth, we want the growth and we have to wait.  Waiting is not easy.

Many of us wait.  For direction, for answers, for growth.  We plant the seeds of faith and pray they blossom.  Would that our patience was as easy to deposit in as the bank.  Mine, not so much. No one will accuse me of excessive patience. It might not be evident, but it is true. I have to remember things are growing and changing even when I can't see them.

These things I know.  The sun rises and sets. If we're smart we pause to embrace the goodness, the beauty.

What are your moments? Time with friends, the antics of your pets, your faith walk, your passions, your family. Hold them close. And let go knowing....all is unfolding as it should be.

In Between

Ever feel like the "in between" parts of life last an eternity.  In between jobs, in between seasons, in between paychecks, in between holidays.  Stuck between what was and what is to come.  Stuck and discouraged.  We get that way.

In between can be fertile ground for faith, for hope and for dreams.  But sometimes we forget to dream, to imagine, to visualize, to pray.  Perhaps it is because waiting weighs heavy on our heart.

In dog terms, which pretty much rule my life, in between is the time that starts when the bathroom door shuts and drags in excruciating seconds until I open the door up again.  It is also the eternity, which lasts an eternity plus one day, from when I leave for work and return.  Or ten minutes, whichever comes first.

We've been waiting for spring and it's coming. I see it in the tulips pushing through the ground, the forsythia starting to show color, the cranes migrating.  I also see it in the farmers beginning to work their fields.  I bet they struggle with in between time as much as I do.

Maybe if I till, plant, fertilize and harvest more faith the in between's would be more comfortable. The days fly by even if the things we await come slowly.  It's life as we know it.  It is finding grace in the moments, the time between, and knowing good things are coming.