There are times in life that there are no words. I never understood that concept, until now. Now I get it. Sometimes you just can't wrap your head around life. It's ok, I think that protects you. No words explain the sorrow. No words express the shock. No words express the new reality.
In that I have no words, I have to say for the many that ask, yes, I'm okay. We're ok. As okay as our new normal allows. It's a process. And I'll be blunt. I never imagined I'd confront the suicide of a dear one. I never could have imagined the journey that led to that day, those choices. My mind is boggled, battered by it. I feel beaten, but not defeated. I don't feel, but I know it's coming. I'm alone, but not lonely, and certainly surrounded by love. I have not lost my faith, my gratitude or my sense of humor. I'm pretty sure I've gained as much as I've lost. It's just not completely evident yet. It doesn't have to be. Grief is a process. Growth is a process. Gratitude is a life choice.
If I could offer words of encouragement to those struggling it would be this. Help is always available. There is no shame in asking. Most of us have faltered, it is a part of life. Ask the hard questions, listen gently.
Know that your words, your support and your kindnesses smooth the path I am on. No words could adequately express my gratitude. No words.
