Is It An Age Thing?

I attended a bridal show today. Well, not as a bride-to-be, but as a vendor. Those events amaze me. So many starry eyed brides, Mom's with check books, some grooms in tow (poor fella's), plus a bevy of girlfriends along for the ride. May I just say, the brides are so young!! So, so young, or maybe I'm just getting so, so old.

I like to walk the event and look for the most unexpected vendor there. Naturally I visit the cake vendors along the way. Random taste testing keeps them on their toes.

The booth that gets the award today is one for a plastic surgeons office. Seriously?? I can just picture the bride racing home to her fiancee saying I found the tuxedo's, the flowers, the d.j. And, oh, by the way, I'm getting the boobs you've always wanted. They had a enhance one, get one free special on C cups. When I walk down the aisle my cups will runneth over.

Maybe it's an age thing, but that whole concept makes me sad. Could we get more superficial? Couldn't we just dream of a celebration of two becoming one? Not one becoming enhanced, made-up, dressed to the max with all the trappings, but none of the inside beauty?

Thank God men are so visual. Hopefully, after the big hair is washed out, the Spanx is peeled off, the game day make-up is removed, the fancy dress in hung in the closet, the flowers are tossed, the dog and pony show is over...hopefully, he will find a woman with a heart he loves and cherishes. Then he will see the real beauty of his new bride.

Mothers of The Bride

More and more in the bridal industry I see the Mom's doing the majority of the wedding leg work for the brides. The brides are out-of-town, or so busy they don't have time to shop for the wedding. It seems a rather sad state of affairs.

Granted, some Mom's wouldn't have it any other way. But this Mom, who does not have a daughter in the wedding planning stages, wonders at what this says about life in general. Remember the little girls who couldn't wait to plan every detail of their weddings?? Those same little girls are now to busy to do just that.

Mom's of the bride (and sometimes the grooms) are stepping into the wedding coordinator arena. This Mom would agonize over trying to make any decisions for her daughter. We have the type of relationship where if she likes it, I don't and vice versa. Thank goodness I'm not required to do her wedding shopping. That's not to say I wouldn't be thrilled to have a part in her wedding planning when the time comes. Just not the responsibility for all the decisions or all the leg work to make those decisions.

It's a new world, and truth be told, where would we be without our Mothers? We'd be out shopping for our own wedding and then some.

'Til Death Do We Part

Having been divorced once, this line seems a little dicey to me. I get it's intent. I understand the profound nature of this commitment. I also know that at certain times in a relationship "death" sounds like a viable option.

I'm not referring to anything going on in my life. Things are hunky dory. The irony of this part of wedding vows just hit me.

Then there is the line "in good times and in bad". What if these are the good times? Half of this couple is struggling to find employment in a horrible job market and discouraging economy. If these are the good times, it doesn't bode well for the bad. Plus, I don't even want to consider in "sickness and in health". Let's not jinx anything, okay??

Where does it mention forgiveness in the vows? Because surely he is going to be a man, doing bone head man things. Just as I will be a woman with irrational and crisis ridden moments. We'll both mess up. The best we can hope for is that our melt downs occur on different days.

When we both melt down, let me tell you that "death" clause is oh so tempting. Thankfully, those moments pass quickly, before we can formulate a workable plan. That is where the forgiveness comes into play. And what about laughter?? Do we pledge our hearts to laughter? What about faith, what about communication?

There are so many things written between the lines of wedding vows. We would be wise to read them. Just as we are wise to restrain ourselves from doing bodily harm, to one we love with all our heart.

Movie Weddings

Being a woman, which is synonymous with being a fan of weddings, makes movie weddings even better. If you are getting married, or dreaming of getting married, watching someone else get married is the next best thing.

We watched the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding tonight. It's a classic. Yet, one of those that touches you different each time you watch it. No doubt, because, each time I watch it I'm in a different place in life.

This viewing made me consider the family of the bride. Loud, verbal, rambunctious, bigger than life. At least, bigger than life with my family of origin. Most of my family couldn't be like them for love nor money.

But I can. Okay, in little ways I can stretch myself to new levels of enthusiasm. I can ease out of the past and embrace a new future. I can say "Opa". Yes, yes I can say "Opa". See, we're not even married yet and I'm celebrating.

Eloping

Someone we know and love recently eloped. Back in my day - oh Lordy, can't believe I used that phrase, couples did that instead of having a big wedding. They did it for many reasons, but basically, once you were married, you were married. Now days they do both.

There are destination weddings and big receptions back home. There are vow renewals with all the pomp and circumstance that may not have been had when they first got married.

I have to admit I'm a bit envious they just did it! Perhaps that is youth for you. Jump with both feet and trust. At our age, if we jump will we end up with a broken leg or hip?? I admire their lack of fear, but I wonder about their sense of timing.

Funny how we want it all. Especially when it comes to weddings. I was talking to someone recently who raved about wanting to get married, oh, she just couldn't wait. But in the next breath, she admitted she didn't want to be married, she just wanted a wedding. As a woman, I think we all do. Men? Not so much.

Our dream is the dress, the flowers, the reception, the magic. Men's dream is a recliner, a big screen, hunting/fishing/golfing, some regular sex. Can you see where there might be issues??

Still I admire the newlyweds. I pray for their journey in life. And, I'll envy their walk down the aisle when it happens. It's their dream, and our joy to be part of it.

Internet Dating & other Applications

I have a relative writing a book on Internet dating. My question is how soon will it be published? Many of us, who have dabbled our toes in that pond, or jumped clear into the pool can relate. Many need that book, like...yesterday.

Some may not realize that is how my beloved and I met. Actually, our meeting was part of a bigger plan. But, ultimately, the Internet was the conduit that led from one of us to the other. From one state to another, one time zone to another.

It was a long process, but the beauty of it was neither of us was looking for a long distance relationship. It evolved over a period of time which gave us time to build a good friendship before chancing anything more.

In a time of instant access sometimes things get rushed. We try to cram all kinds of things in and forget that maturity takes time. Well, there is a brilliant comment. Let me quote myself...."maturity takes time". I'm thinking instead of a phone or computer application that plays games, or provides other services, we need an application for maturity. One for faith, humor, commitment and monogamy would be awesome too.

As we look down the road towards a second marriage for both of us we will need this application. We don't know all the secrets to a long, pleasurable and sustaining marriage. We look around us for examples of how we'd like our relationship to be. We see examples of how we never want it to be. We have good days, and days we'd like to throw in the towel. There are days we wonder if the towel is long enough to hang a certain someone by.

We know the Internet brought us together, under the guidance of the big guy upstairs. We know He plays an important role in our life. How we apply our self to this relationship is what defines it.

The gods of Internet dating, and the other one upstairs, certainly blessed us. I would be remiss if I didn't say they both messed with our heads some, and our hearts a lot. No doubt they laughed their you know what off too. But, it's all good and we are grateful. Now, to develop that application.....

Add Some Color

Nothing adds color to your life like love does. And, besides that fact, I just plain love color. Lucky for me I get to work with color every day.

Brides love color too. That is one of the first questions a bride gets asked. What colors are you using? They want to color the very beginning of their marriage with a color that makes them sing. In all honesty I'd never considered color in this way. It was just one of those wedding things you did.

This time around, I'm paying more attention. We all should. Even if you are not getting married, just married or hoping to be married. We need to enjoy the color in our lives. We need to make a conscious effort to embrace it.

Just like in our relationships we need to invite both color and love in. Each and every day.

Romance

The fact that August 8-14 is National Resurrect Romance week has me thinking. First of all, who thinks up this stuff. And, how do you get a "National _____ Week" anyway? I can think of many "National ______ Week's" I'd like to see happen, but that's another whole blog.

Also, what about the premise of weddings being "romantic". So maybe I'm being a skeptic here. Weddings are pretty scripted, planned, organized and coordinated. With all the details involved they need to be. So with all that planning is it still romantic? If you are passionate about who you are marrying it is.

If you are passionate about how you are living your life you could be a very romantic single. We could be, if we tried, very romantic with ourselves. But generally we apply that term to how we treat our beloved. Maybe the key word is "treat". How do you treat your beloved? When was the last time you treated your beloved?

Plus the backbone of the National Resurrect Romance Week is that being romantic is not about how much money you can spend. It's about making a personal effort to be romantic. Thinking of them first and treating them. Frankly, those are the investments that pay off the best.

Irony

I work in the bridal industry. Not in the wedding apparel industry, but the wedding accessory industry. Reno, is is looking for work, applied for a job with a company who, you guessed it, serves the bridal industry.

Ironic, yes! Whether anything comes of that is to be determined. But think of the dinner time conversations we could have. Think of the perks we could enjoy if we ever really get to planning our own wedding. Think of him advising me on current wedding trends.

Even better, I could turn over all the wedding details to him, and not worry myself sick over the outcome! He could be groom and wedding planner all rolled in to one. I could be bridzilla and he'd slave to make me happy. Oh wait, he does that anyway. We could talk weddings until the cows come home like women just love to do.

Oh wait, maybe not. But a girl can dream can't she?

Ceremony of Hope

We attended my nieces wedding ceremony over the weekend. When you filter out all the pomp and circumstance you get down to the basics. It is a gathering of friends and family to witness a ceremony of hope.

Of course, we all know what we hope for and what we get are often different. We needed to witness that hope, as I am certain others did as well. It affirmed our commitment and came after a bumpy relational week. Fact is, we all have those times.

They say "in good times and in bad", and that is the gospel truth. Any relationship has red letter days, and days you want to run away from home. Learning to weather them takes time. That must the the "time" that is referenced "in good times and in bad".

Angie and Scott's wedding was just what we needed. Even more beautiful it was just what they needed. We could all use some hope. So what could be better than a ceremony of hope.

Time Flies

The plan was, roughly six months ago when we got engaged, to sit down in June with a nice bottle of wine and make wedding plans.

Well, here it is the middle of June and we have good news. We picked out the wine. It's been shipped and will arrive later this week. Suffice it to say we're not rushing into anything.

Compared to young brides (and no offense to said young brides) we are moving slow. There is no mad dash to the altar. I feel less media driven as a bride this time around. I don't have to have it all, in fact I'm not sure at all what I really want. Except for, of course, the groom and the ring. Both delight me to no end.

The wine on order, although made in Italy, was selected in Seattle. Rather deja vu since that is right where we began to seriously consider selecting each other as "the one".

Of course, at this particular moment the name of the wine escapes me. But I remember my beloveds name, and of the two that is most important! Time does fly, especially when someone special graces your life.

Right now the planning is in a passive stage, but we're enjoying that. Much like a nice glass of wine.

What Matters

I polled some of my facebook friends with the following question....If you were getting married again, what three things would be most important for the celebration. I did say that it was a given that the groom is a good guy. So listing a good guy would not count.

After many responses I queried again because no one mention a lovely dress as a requirement. Only one replied and called me a silly goose. She insists a beautiful dress is absolutely a given. Phfewww....

I did ponder that no men answered my initial question. But then, most of my FB friends are women. And what do women love to talk about? Weddings, well, duh.

We do love to talk about, dream about, read about, fantasized about, plan, wonder and experience weddings. My informal survey confirmed having your kids there (if you are a parent) was mandatory, keeping it simple, make it meaningful for the bride and groom, and incorporating personal tastes were important. All that said, I still admit to feeling funny about planning another wedding.

I do not feel funny about the prospect of being married again. Except for the slight worry that I may not live up to expectation. That reality that some days will really bite, that forgiveness is sometimes much like childbirth (exhausting, painful, requires major expulsion of objects), and lastly that I didn't learn near enough the first time around.


I know I'm much smarter, I just hope in the ways that count. I will say, the older I get, the more amazed I am at really young couples marching down the aisle with no fear, little life experience and rusty common sense. True, true, not all of them are like that. More than enough, but not quite all of them.

Ever notice how no one ever says - hey, how do you keep your marriage alive? Or, wow, what's your secret? Yes, when you hit those really significant anniversaries you get asked for the keys to a long (happy) relationship. But, holy moley, many of need to know this stuff now!

Perhaps life is just like that. We have just enough knowledge to get us to the next life lesson. Lessons are good - they teach us what really matters.

Showers

I went to a bridal shower for my niece last weekend. I must admit I re-gifted at it. Actually it was a family piece I gifted.

All of the brides in my family received a Kitchen Madonna when they got married. As I now had mine and my Mom's it seemed like a good time to pass one on. Now, a Kitchen Madonna is a religious ornament that depicts the Mother of Jesus in the kitchen. I never pondered the fact that Mary had to cook, clean and chase after baby Jesus. My guess is she may have spent more time in the kitchen that I ever have.

I realize that modern brides may not take time to honor Mary with a statue or plaque like us old brides grew up doing. Here is my hope. That my niece be blessed in her kitchen and in all the rooms of her marriage. That she always knows she is loved. That her Kitchen Madonna find some small place of honor in her kitchen. That she remembers many Mother's support her journey in life. That life continues to shower her with blessings.

We all have gifts, and sharing, even regifting, is sometimes a very good thing.

Slow Process

There is a lot to be said for finding love again. Granted, some find it again, and again, and again. But, there is even more to say about finding and keeping it. Keeping it may be the most challenging part.

I'm still learning about what I didn't know the first time around. When you pledge your life to one another it includes good days, bad days, pay days, sick days, rainy days and Mondays. You name it - it includes it.

More than once smothering has sounded like a viable solution. Other times, a contemplative life of silence has it's appeal. We were both sick over the weekend. That sucked. He didn't have the energy to nurture me, I was tempted to, well, you know..... Instead I prayed the Serenity Prayer and waited for the urge to pass. I've always been the one who kept going even if I was sick, so it frustrates me when others don't keep plugging away. I'm thinking we can learn from each other on this issue.

I need to gear down a little and someone who's name has not been mentioned can pick up a little slack. And vice versa. It's part of being life partners. It's part of marriage. It may be a slow process, but we're moving in the right direction.

Just Married

Don't get excited - I'm not making an announcement. And yet, in a way I am. Don't you love it when I'm cryptic?

Here is the deal, the first time you get engaged it quickly escalates into an event planning scenario. You wouldn't, for the most part, dream of getting married without the wedding. The "wedding" becomes the primary focus. The "marriage" goes along for the ride.

This time around, at least for me, in so many ways I am already "married" and the ceremony part whenever it happens is secondary. Mandatory, but secondary.

I'm certain I'm repeating myself, but if only brides invested as much energy into the relationship as the do preparing for the wedding. Oh yes, there should be a prep courses: Compromise 101, Budget Planning, Conflict Resolution, Constructive Criticism, Finding the Balance Between Couple Time and Me Time, Encouragement and Support, Humor in the State of Wedded Bliss, Chore Distribution, Building Faith and Faithfulness. Perhaps even continuing education classes: Keeping Things Spicy (may or may not be a cooking course!), Surviving Parenthood, Romance Building After Marriage, Understanding Man Humor, Understanding Mood Swings, What You Heard is Not What I Said. So many possibilities.

No doubt the wedding vendors, of whom I am one, are shuddering at what I've written. It's not about the dresses, the matching colors, shoes, gifts, decorations, cakes or any other of the 100's of details. Those are the icing on the cake. The key is building the right flavor of the cake....the rest will follow when you are just married.

What It's All About

Okay.  Here's the deal.  The Hokey Pokey may be what it's all about.  But, that song should be reserved for use in government interrogation and torture.  It should especially never be played at weddings, but almost always is.

Yes, I danced the dreaded HP last night at a wedding. It will be the last time I ever do.  Not even if my children beg me on their wedding day, not even if future grandchildren beg me.  I sincerely think a cash exchange of some sort will help them forgive me for not participating.  I can look and feel stupid all on my own, I don't need that song getting rooted in my ear on top of it thank you very much. 

I think I've made my point.  So we know where it won't be played.....phfewwww.

What it is all about is celebrating in ways that make our heart sing, and there a million ways to do that.  For me, a passel of puppies being set loose at the reception would be fun, for Reno passing out cigars, watching Southpark and drinking good beer would do it.  Although the odds of consummating the union would drop dramatically with cigar breath. 

The photo booth at last nights wedding was a blast.  Way more fun that "shaking it all about".  Plus, there is photographic evidence of just how silly we can be.  Life is serious enough.  Laugh more, live more, play more.  And, yes, for the love of God, ban the Hokey Pokey.

Let There Be Cake

I love wedding cake.  Which is funny, because, when I was young (errrr....younger) you only had two choices on wedding cake.  White or Chocolate.  Don't get me wrong those are excellent choices.  Either one, or both, are divine.  Now there are as many choices on wedding cakes as there are applications on an iphone. 

Cake is symbolic of a couples first meal together.  Any meal that starts with dessert is good by me.  Too bad we don't embrace that concept more often.  So often we eat wedding cake without realizing what it means.  It means life is sweet, dessert is anywhere we find it, and everyday is a celebration. 

May I take this opportunity to reflect on the whole "shoving the cake in the face" of your beloved tradition.  Personally, I don't find this funny at all.  Maybe I'm old school.  Maybe couples don't realize the symbolism of sharing the first sweet bite of life together.  True, we often bite off more than we can chew, but let's not force that issue if we don't have too.

So, as to cake - there will be cake.  Perhaps red cake, perhaps white, maybe chocolate.  On the day of the wedding, and every anniversary thereafter.  As sweet as love is, I believe I'll have seconds. 

Family Jewels

Okay, I know just saying those words can evoke lame thoughts and raunchy jokes.  But, truly, I'd like to talk about the family jewels.

You see, a tradition in my family is for all the brides to wear the same diamond lavalier on their wedding day.  If memory serves me right I was the twelfth bride to wear it.  My Mom wore it, cousins wore it, sister-in-laws wore it too.  I'm guessing some have worn it more than once, and I'd like to be one of them.

Now that I've started this blog I can't tell you for sure who bought the necklace, how the tradition started, and who wore it first.  Guess I should have done my homework.   I shall do that and get back to you with the details.

Too bad more families don't have traditions like this.  We need those ties to bind us.  We need things/events/feelings that honor the women who came before us and those who come after us.  And it doesn't hurt to honor where we are as women in the moment too. 

When the day comes, I hope to be wearing those family jewels.  When that happens, many many women will join me in the spirit of marriage.  I rather like this image.

Stages

It's funny to finally be engaged and not be planning a wedding.  Oh we will, when the economy shines on us again and we're both employed. 

It's funny to be a bride at my age.  It's funny to be in a wedding next month as a maid-of-honor.  Ever wonder why we get those second chances like this again?  To go through stages in our life that are sorta deja vu, except we're much smarter this time around?

The irony (at least one of them) is that all my life I've loved looking at bride magazines.  Whether I was married or single it was a a joy to peruse pages showing bridal wear, engagement rings, bouquets, and reception decorations.  I'd play this little game.  I'd look at each page and if it had multiple items, say rings, I'd challenge myself to select the one I liked best.  Give me a big jewelry catalog and I could browse all afternoon.  Give me a bridal magazine and I'd be a happy camper.  I'm still that way. 

And, amazingly, now that I can look at all those magazines I have no idea what I want for a dress.  Besides that hopefully I'll get a smoking good deal on it. 

Funny the stages we go through.  I suspect this time of waiting is offering some untold grace.  Some opportunity to grow and learn, not to mention shop and plan.  In the meantime, I'll look and dream.  In the meantime I'll enjoy the meantime.  It's not a bad place to be.

Details, Details

I know there are a bajillion details involved in creating a wedding ceremony.  Ahhhh, so many details.  Almost as many as in building a working relationship with your intended, if I had to hazard a guess.

As much as I hate to say it, women sometimes get going in steam-roller mode when planning a wedding.  I see it first hand working in the business.  This is not a complaint, more of an observation.  I love what I do, and I love the beautiful product I get to work with.   The whole wedding process can become an obsession, and I worry what life will be like after the ceremony is over for some of these brides.  It is probably a big let down, when it should be a great, daily, celebration.

Looking at the wedding process after 18 yrs of marriage and 10 years post divorce, I do have a different perspective.  It's not so much the details of the ceremony as it is the details of enjoying daily life with one another.  It's not the shade of pink the flowers are, or the color of the dresses, it's not the lettering the napkins are printed with.   It doesn't matter if every little thing matches.

We/they prepare for the big day, and sometimes forget about the life after that big day.  Granted we need some fairy tale moments in life.  We long for magical moments, even romantic moments.  Sometimes we get challenging moments, grief filled moments, bizzare moments, and most definitely laughable moments.  All of this is part of life. 

Weddings are not exactly reality based are they?  But they  bring us together and honor a special union.  They are the first day of the rest of our lives, worthy of celebration on that day, and every day thereafter. 

Setting The Date

I remember the first time around finding a date that held special meaning to us.  We went with our "date-a-versary".  The day of the month we had our first date.

This time there are other things factoring in.  First of all, shortly after we got engaged my honey was downsized out of a job.  That put a the skids on making firm plans for a wedding.  The marriage is still in the works, but the wedding is waiting for more stable financial footing.  That makes me a wee bit envious of those with someone who has a hefty checkbook and no other financial worries.  But, as I always say - all in due time.

Not that we have a date in mind.  Rather we have dates that won't work in mind.  Prior wedding anniversaries are a total no-go.  Birthdays of ex's won't fly either.  I feel pretty secure in knowing when we won't get married.

We know where - probably up at Lake Tahoe.  Ohhh, a destination wedding.  Lovely.  Simple, personal, tasteful.  Wondering if I can find a minister who can bring his dog (preferably a hunting breed) to the ceremony so I would feel right at home.  Select family, a few friends, the big guy upstairs, and mother nature.  That is the perfect guest list.  Oh, and did I mention a dog would be good too?

So here we are, date to be determined.  All in due time, and I can live with that.

Shoe's - part two

The search has been on for shoes for a girlfriends wedding.  With the hope I could find silver shoes and use them for my own wedding somewhere down the road.

May I just say, WOW, there are some gorgeous silver shoes out there.  And, holy crap, who on earth can walk in those heels??  If I wanted to add 4" to my height and an emergency room visit to my schedule I could have found shoes.  Beautiful shoes, expensive shoes, blingy shoes and last but not least treacherous shoes! 

Guess you could say I have something borrowed and something blue.  I bought a pair of blue sandals that would work, and then a coworker offered me a pair of  blue shoes to try as well.  The pair I bought - sexy, with a low enough heel I could manage if I restrict significant alcohol consumption.  The coworkers shoes - way cuter, with a "training heel" on them, and more comfy too. 

You may be wondering about the heels.  A sales person (God love 'em) suggested I was looking for kitten heels.  Okay, if you say so.  Evidently, there is no viable market for kitten heels.  But, the market for 3-4" ankle breaking heels is thriving. I wonder if orthopedic surgeons also dabble in foot wear design.  What I called training heels are actually about the height of a kitten heel but with a wider base.  More base, more stability, perhaps I can have a second glass of wine and not disgrace myself.

Suffice it to say I'll go for comfort and and extra cocktail.  The search is not over for my own wedding shoes, but I'm good to go for now, and relatively safe in the process.

Shoe Challenged

Back in the day, when I was young, had great legs and no corns, bunions, or screws/plates in my ankle I wore tennis shoes, sandals, birkenstocks, or rather sedate pumps with suits.  Now that I'm all about comfort in shoes, I wear croc's and Dansko shoes. 

I have to find shoes for a friends wedding.  The croc's and Dansko's won't cut it.  When I could have worn strappy sandals and big heels I didn't.  Now that I can't, I want to.  Doesn't that just figure?

The mission is to find a pair of silver shoes.  Pretty, dressy, with a heel of some sort that I can navigate a fancy dress in.  If I can find a good pair, I hope to use them for my own wedding shoes.  And, I hope not to need traction when I take them off. 

Some women live for shoes.  I am not that sort of woman.  Some women have closet's full of shoes.  I am not that woman.  But sometimes only a pretty, sassy, fun shoe will do.  A wedding definitely counts as one of those times.



 

Rings & Things

In a girls life, few things are as symbolic as an engagement ring or a wedding dress.  If you pare down all the other trappings of a wedding, I'm fairly certain the dress and the ring would be least expendable. 

Okay, let me back up just a wee bit here.  The groom is the most important!  Don't get me wrong.  Grooms are pretty crucial to the whole marriage thingy.  Choosing the right groom can make or break a marriage.  After that the ring and the dress fall in place.

As to the ring, it is a symbol of love and commitment.  They come in all shapes and sizes, much like the bride and groom themselves.  Some spend a fortune on them, way more than the investment of self into the relationship.  Some are simple in nature, some are family heirlooms, some, like ours, is a bit of both of us. 

Following my divorce I traded in my wedding set, selected a new stone and had a right-hand ring made.  When I travelled,  I also wore it sometimes on my left, as a "leave-me-alone" ring.  Bling has always been a passion of mine, so it was a pretty decent stone.  We decided to use that stone in my ring.  I'll admit economics factored in, spending money for something we already had seemed silly to both of us.  My beloved provided the setting, I provided the center stone.  It is unique to us, and reflects part of our life journey.

It's about making the best out of second chances.  It's a bit of him and a bit of me.  It honors the past and symbolizes the future.  Now, I know some women could never feel comfortable with this choice.  But, I'm not most women.  It melds two hearts, two lives....it works for us and that's all that matters.

Shopping - A Mission In and of itself!

An out-of-town business trip led me to the largest bridal store East of the Mississippi.  May I just say OMG.  It is the stuff of dreams.  It is bridal heaven, it is amazing....it is Catan's Fashions in Cleveland.

It was the best experience in wedding shopping and the worst.  Well, let me explain.  Drop of girl into bridal heaven and only give her 60 minutes to shop.  There is something very wrong with that.  No woman can make a decision that quickly.  I needed a couple hours, and a girl friend or two to help with the decision. 

Did I find a dream dress?  No.  But, not because they didn't have anything good to choose from.  They had oodles, and I do mean oodles.  Oh my!  If only I was a size 8-10 again!  If only I had really deep pockets.  If only tall, sleek and bronze defined my physique. 

I have determined what style is most flattering.  I have decided that this bride will not wear white (never a consideration anyway)  or ivory.  I have decided I can look really hot, or really soft and feminine....or a delightful combination of both.  

It was a place I'd love to visit again.  Time limits made it impossible for me to do the store justice.  It did, however, move me along in the process.  In that regard it was a successful mission.  Each step on this journey brings some joy and some anticipation.  And a greater appreciation of what makes a bride a bride, and what makes me a bride too. 

Dresses

Why is it that every girl dreams of wedding dresses from the time she is a tot?  The magic, the fantasy, the princess for a day feeling.

But what if you get a second chance to be a princess?  Why does it feel so funny to shop for a second wedding dress?  Just because I'm not a blushing bride anymore doesn't mean I don't long to be a beautiful bride.

I went shopping with a girlfriend who is also remarrying.  We tried on dresses.  Something in me didn't even feel worthy of a wedding dress.  Of the hundreds of dress' on the racks there were perhaps 10 dresses total semi-suitable for a more "mature" bride.  Of course, part of me snickers even at the term mature bride.

The "Mother's" dresses and the special occasion dresses weren't pretty enough, and the "wedding dresses" weren't, dare I say it.....age appropriate.  Egads, I'm in a niche with nothing to wear!

I have to admit some is a confidence issue.  Maybe a little of it is a lingering feeling of shame the first marriage didn't last.  Funny how long those feelings can haunt you.  Why is it one would't think twice of getting a second engagement ring, but having a second dress for that second wedding is out of my comfort zone? 

So many thoughts to ponder.  So many possible outcomes.  So many opportunities to shop, so many options for celebrating ones second chances.  I don't know the answers.  For right now I don't need to.  I just need to be willing to try things on, even dresses, to find the right fit.

Wedding Dresses

I've been "shopping" for wedding dresses.  Okay, sort of shopping.  Well, looking at consignment shops and on Ebay.  I know what I want in a dress.  Most likely champagne colored, gently used, softly recycled. 

This is what I'm finding though......there are ball dresses, sexy wedding dresses, prom/wedding dresses, modest wedding dresses (more my style), maternity wedding dresses (yikes!), informal wedding dresses, destination wedding dresses, temple wedding dresses and vintage wedding dresses.

Wowsers!  All sorts of dresses.  Most of which seem too formal for me.  And, too revealing.  But, the fun is in the search and Lord knows we're not in any rush.

I've ruled out the corset look, the strapless style, the ball gown, and the mermaid style.  Phfewwww!  That narrows down the field.  Part of my head is still trying to wrap itself around a wedding dress at all.  Of course, I always knew I would remarry.  Just need to figure out the re-wedding part of it. 

The choices I made the first time around were in some ways not the best.  I had no idea what I really liked then, so I don't care to make that mistake again.  At the very least I will be an informed buyer, and more educated bride, and I hope to God a much better partner!  Plus, I'm going to feel pretty if it's the last damn thing I do.  I think cussing when speaking of your future wedding bodes well don't you?

So the search continues.  Perhaps whispering to the powers that be might help.....wanted ........beautiful champagne dress for second wedding....soft and appealing, full of hope and promise......magical.....feminine.....not blatantly sexy.....    

Now I just watch and wait.

Bridesmaid Dresses

For the first time in 30 years I find myself a Matron of Honor-to-be, as well as a Bride-to-be.  Let me tell you, the dresses haven't matured over the years as much as I have.  The dresses these days look like the lingerie of, dang I hate to say it but I will, the old days.  Lordy, I wish I still had the body I had 30 years ago.  Except, then I'd have to give up my kids, breastfeeding, stretch marks, the softing of age, etc, etc, etc.  Having that young body, without todays knowlege and self-acceptance, would give me just a hot body, and not a warm, loving heart to go with it.  Guess I'll keep this 'ol body.

I did find a bridesmaids dress, on Ebay -- gotta love those bargains.  It needs a little altering, but then most of us do.  Not sure I want to take my bat wings out in public, but maybe by shortening the dress from full length to tea length we can fashion a wrap or shrug of some sort.  Of course next comes the whole shoe dilemma.  I shall have to forsake the comfort of croc's or Dansko's for fancy footwear. 

I hope I stumble upon a bargain wedding dress as easily as I did a bridesmaid dress.  I hope I don't stumble walking down the aisle.  I hope I find comfort in dressing beautifully for both events.  It's all about finding our way, and celebrating those moments in fancy dresses and heels. 

Wedding Season

It's wedding season in the store.  All the brides are out looking for accessories, flowers, tiara's, veils, etc.  It gives me the opportunity to talk to some cool people.

I spoke to a gal yesterday, who's friend won a radio contest for a $50,000 wedding.  Of course, the catch was the wedding will be 7 days after the grand prize was announced.  Talk about a whirlwind.  Perhaps even a dream come true event. 

Well, actually, the marriage is probably a dream come true.  The wedding - to be determined.  Most likely an unbelievable celebration, with all the stops pulled out.  Makes me think about my first wedding all those years ago, and how different I feel about it now.

This time all I want is an intimate ceremony, at Lake Tahoe,  with a small group of our best friends and family.  And, I want a pretty dress.  And, a big party afterwards.  Did I mention the dress?  Not a traditional dress, like the first time around.  But, a woman wants to look/feel beautiful on certain days of her life. 

Which, of course, give us pause to ponder what makes us feel beautiful.  Many woman look beautiful and completely miss out on feeling beautiful too.  The first time around I doubt I allowed myself to feel beautiful.  Not missing that this time around.

I admit to sometime praying for the brides I help in the store, as well as wondering about them.  Wondering about their sanity comes to mind often.  Weddings are so tradition and media driven.  But it is my hope that those marriages find a place to grow and blossom too.  It's definitely something I pray for myself.

So while it's odd to be a bride in this season of my life, it also makes my heart sing.  So as a bride, and for the brides, I wish them joy and strength, determination, and a great sense of humor.  Patience and understanding, a lovely dress and the ability to feel lovely as well. 

Go Figure

When I got married the first time - back in 1980, boy was I clueless.  Okay, when I got divorced in 1999, part of me was still pretty clueless.  Hurting, but clueless.

Since then, I've had ten years to find myself (I'm still a work in progress) and learn to like myself.  I've been many things in life - daughter, sister, cousin, niece, aunt, bride, wife, Mother, ex-wife, divorcee, single,  single and not dating, single and dating.  Single and wondering why the hell I'm dating.  Seriously dating, in a commited relationship, to fiancee - again.

Wow - go figure.  Life takes us on some wild rides and amazing journeys.  In the process I've learned what being a partner really means.  Thank God, this time around I know more, and know enough to lean on God for the rest. 

I was pondering something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue today.  Well, I'm sorta old, I've had some blue times, I've borrowed faith when I'd lost my own and I'm on a new journey.  I believe that qualifies me to be a bride.  I rather like that.

Venue Sites

It's not everyone who has the option to get married in the workplace.   My boss, bless his heart, offered us a free wedding in the store during our in-house Bridal Extravaganza.  Nothing like having a dog-n-pony show in the middle of several hundred other bride's shopping for their dog-n-pony show. 

I love my job, but not quite that much.  I know, the free popcorn is a huge incentive.  You don't see that often at weddings.  For food we could sample all the offerings in our fancy foods section, as long as guests made a purchase that is. Perhaps instead of gifts they could put their purchases on my fun club card?   And wedding cake?  Our cake decorating department could do demo's so that everyone could decorate their cake and eat it too.  Oh baby, think of the possibilities!  We could make our invitations and display them to sell scrapbooking products.  We could have our photo's framed by, you guessed it, the framing department.  Naturally, the floral department would do the flowers.  I could make my own bouquet and get paid for it.  Another win-win situation. Marketing could advertise the event, the local news would film and possibly we could end up on the national news.  Have I mentioned I've always wanted to be a guest on the Today Show?

Ahhhh, simply a dream wedding.  And we appreciate the offer.  Not quite what we had in mind.  But it's always fun to explore the possibilities. 

Other Side of the Table

I attended a bridal fair the other day.  Not unusual because I work in the bridal industry.  This time I attended as a maid of honor, for my gf, and as a bride-to-be for myself. 

In all honesty it's hard to think of myself as a bride again.  The current industry is geared toward the young bride.  At least in my head it is.  In reality too it is.  Every girl dreams of her wedding.  Not so much of being married as much as getting married.  It is the stuff of dreams and fantasy.  To this day I love to look at wedding magazines and engagement rings.  Way back when I got married in the '80s it wasn't nearly the dog and pony show it can be now.

If only as much energy was invested in the relationship as dollars are invested in the ceremony.  In all honesty weddings are steeped in tradition.  Most brides do things by rote rather than by picking and choosing what has deep meaning to them.

This time I/we plan to soul search our way through, actually before, during and after.  We plan to lean on the big guy upstairs more.  Always a good course of action if you ask me.  So, it was interesting to attend this bridal event.  More fun than I expected, and an opportunity to weigh what has value to us.

Young brides have no hesitance in jumping into the bridal fray.  I pray this "old" bride has no hesitance in finding her way too.  The focus may be different the second time around, but if nothing else I've learned to celebrate wholeheartedly the joys life brings my way. 

And So It Begins

Four years ago it began with an on-line dating site.  Actually, several sites, multiple opportunities to meet "eligible" men. Please note, eligible is a relative term!  It began with hope and a dream, not to mention an excellent sense of humor.   In some ways it was like culling the herd of the weak and pathetic.  Always it was an adventure.  It involved finding myself and defining Mr. Right.  No easy task.

Now, thanks to the big guy upstairs, I find myself again a Bride-To-Be.  Except at my age, I don't exactly know what that means.  If I was sleek and 20 yrs old I'd hit the ground running.  Heck, at 30 I could still pull off a sleeveless gown and 4 attendants.  At 50-something it's a different story. 

It's not all about the fairy tale.  It's not all about the dress and the flowers and the countless other details.  Now it's about the relationship and finding a meaningful way to celebrate that.  It's knowing we both have some fears about this leap of faith we are taking.  It's knowing we've been blessed with a wonderful second chance.  It's knowing we'll find our way, no doubt with lots of laughter, down this new road of life.

So jump in and buckle up.  It might get bumpy, it might get crazy, it might have tears of joy and mirth.  I have to think that's what makes second chances so special. You just never know what will happen next.  Sort of like feeling your going to vomit, but the relief when you realize it's just not going to happen.