If there is one thing I've learned on this journey is that it is okay, to not be okay. The second thing is a code word I want to share. Listen carefully when people say they are "ok". I'm okay is code. Code for I'm struggling and I don't know if it's safe to share. Code for hurting but I don't like to complain. Code for some days I'm barely getting by. Code for the reality of life is that it just hurts sometimes.
There have been many graces that have followed the loss in our family. Many involve the shedding of tears. That is part of healing. In the beginning I said I was okay, because I didn't have the words, the strength or the honesty to say I'm a mess. Maybe I couldn't evaluate how large the mess of myself was. It's probably just as well I couldn't. I'm still a mess. Quite honesty, I believe, those who have lost a loved one to suicide will always be a mess. Somethings you never recover from, your challenge is to go through them.
The challenge is to reshape my mess into a life the looks forward, not back. A life that is open to beauty, joy, and honors both the good memories and the goodness life offers. It is one step forward and two steps back. It is small leaps of faith and huge doses of gentle self care. It is recognizing that growth is sometimes hard to gauge, but trusting it is always there.
So open your ears and heart when someone says they are just OK. It is a gift to recognize and respond to someone in need. It is sharing their mess and helping them through it.
Wednesday, July 18, 2018
Monday, July 2, 2018
Surrounded
Question of the day - what do you surround yourself with? And why?
My answers are easy and hard at the same time. I surround myself with dogs. As any crazy dog lady would. And flowers, faith and awe. I've been surrounded by sorrow and while I embrace it, I look forward to a time it is not a constant shadow. "What if" questions trail me daily usually followed by "I had". What if I had, or what if I hadn't? In time, I trust, there will be less looking back, less regret. More looking forward, more trusting forward.
I/we/you need to surround ourselves with more laughter, more acceptance, more time in the moment. When I slow down enough to be in this moment I hear the birds singing, the hum of the washing machine, see the corn blowing in the breeze, hear the sound of a dog snoring. I wrap myself in this moment and it is good.
Over the weekend I was wrapped in sorrow as the day of our wedding anniversary came and went. I knew it would be hard, and I knew I'd need to be gentle with myself. Sometimes we need to surround ourselves very gently with compassion. I also know the upcoming holiday will be hard, they all are in this chapter of my life. Again, I'll welcome the tears and the healing they provide.
What if we did that? What if we surrounded ourselves with compassion? What if we narrowed our focus to this moment, this day. And in that moment we find the good, the kindness, the joy...even if we are in a time of sorrow. Even if we are in transition, even if we are afraid. Even if. By narrowing our focus we can surround ourselves with the graces, large and small, that are there for us all.
My answers are easy and hard at the same time. I surround myself with dogs. As any crazy dog lady would. And flowers, faith and awe. I've been surrounded by sorrow and while I embrace it, I look forward to a time it is not a constant shadow. "What if" questions trail me daily usually followed by "I had". What if I had, or what if I hadn't? In time, I trust, there will be less looking back, less regret. More looking forward, more trusting forward.
I/we/you need to surround ourselves with more laughter, more acceptance, more time in the moment. When I slow down enough to be in this moment I hear the birds singing, the hum of the washing machine, see the corn blowing in the breeze, hear the sound of a dog snoring. I wrap myself in this moment and it is good.
Over the weekend I was wrapped in sorrow as the day of our wedding anniversary came and went. I knew it would be hard, and I knew I'd need to be gentle with myself. Sometimes we need to surround ourselves very gently with compassion. I also know the upcoming holiday will be hard, they all are in this chapter of my life. Again, I'll welcome the tears and the healing they provide.
What if we did that? What if we surrounded ourselves with compassion? What if we narrowed our focus to this moment, this day. And in that moment we find the good, the kindness, the joy...even if we are in a time of sorrow. Even if we are in transition, even if we are afraid. Even if. By narrowing our focus we can surround ourselves with the graces, large and small, that are there for us all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)