Rest, I shall rest.

On the seventh day, God rested.  Ever notice just how hard it is for us to do that?  At least for me it is. I struggle with getting enough done, doing it well, and get blind sided by all the other "to do's" next in line.

I get sucked into the "well, one of us has to" and it's usually me.  Even today I'm wrestling a bit with that.  The list of what I should do is long.  I should get up, the dogs need out. We should go to church, I should do laundry, baking, cleaning.

What if I let go of those expectations, and embrace what feeds my soul and nurtures my body? What if I prayed and gave thanks from the comfort of my sofa, in my robe with a dog snuggled next to me? Would God approve? I'm thinking so.  Not that I'd feel the sense of community that attending service brings, but sometimes embracing rest is important too.

Lest the dogs worry, meals will be served, they won't starve and all will still be well if I take a day of rest.  If the house doesn't get cleaned, all will be well.  I can pick and chose where I expend my energy.  Something I clearly need more practice at.  The dogs rest when they are tired, why can't I?

No doubt because I always try to get it right, ok, I try to get it more than right.  Some people never try because they believe they will never get it right. My pendulum swings the exact opposite.  Find the balance people, find the balance!

So today my balance will be softer.  I'll embrace with less frenetic energy. I'll savor more and push through less.  I will rest, some.  It's a very good start.  Wishing you the same.

Long Time No Blog

For some reason I've been too busy, too lazy, too preoccupied to take time to write.  Writing is a healing process for me and I've neglected my need to process.  Funny how we hide behind our excuses to do things. Or not do things. Here are a few of mine, owning it is the first step.

I/we've been busy fostering dogs.  True story.  One month two different dogs.  One easy, one a challenge (can you say wild puppy shenanigans)? Lots of fodder for writing, and yet I never took the time.

Lots going on at work.  Whoa, who hasn't used this excuse for not investing in something or someone they love? Need I say more? Ummm, no.

I've been struggling with life issues, but I don't want to let on that I'm struggling.  Because being vulnerable is uncomfortable. So I, or you, or we don't let on and don't be open to the healing.  We just hold on to the fear and stay stuck.  Show of hands? Sound familiar?

I'm afraid to feel.  Feeling is messy.  Sometimes messy good, sometimes messy hard.  Best to stay quiet...NO...best to experience all life offers and move forward.

I've been stuck.  Just stuck in a routine.  It is what it is.  In the process I've overlooked how much I like to process.  And in the process I've been stuck in what I struggle with rather than what graces my life. Sometimes we just plain forget the good stuff we are blessed with.

So this week, Thanksgiving week I plan to get moving.  To move into both gratitude and awareness. To feel things, to let go of what isn't serving me well. To stand up for me, to love me, to honor what pleases me.  I pray you will do the same. And in all of this, I will be thankful.

One Step Away

If only we knew.  If only we could tell.  If only we took time to say, how are you? Really, beneath the surface, how are you.  I bet we'd be surprised.  I'm just like you, I get busy.   Get a little wrapped up in the daily routine and I just plain forget to look deeper.

Perhaps we all need to look deeper.  I'd like to look deeper into my creativity, and deeper into my friendships.  Both of those areas in my life could use some TLC.  I love the solitude of country life. The quiet, the peace, the fact that some days I don't see anyone.  But the social girl, the city girl in me needs a strong connection to my support system.  I have to laugh, that even after all this time, I'm still settling in.  Trying to find my place in my new life.

Where are you in your life, whether it's new, or familiar, or in transition.  Are you one step away from opening your heart, or one step from closing it.  Are you barely holding on? Are you ready for a leap of faith?  Are you hurting? Are you lonely? Are you in the middle of a really long haul?  Are you bursting with excitement? Are you worried? Are you scared? Are you filled with peace?

The dogs are always one step away from joy, from adventure, from a good nap, from giving me reason to smile.  The farmers are one step away from harvest, and the day is one step away from completion.  What are you one step away from?  Have you paused to ask deeply? If not, would you be willing to do just that.

 

I'm Prone To Being Human

Try as I might I'm prone to being human.  Hence, mistakes, and booboo's.  I goof up, I miss an important detail. I open my mouth and the wrong thing comes out.  And, I struggle with myself when I have a truly human moment. Funny, it's easy to celebrate when a moment of brilliance happens. In fact I try to lump them together.

I'm pretty sure the dog's don't find fault with themselves.  And if they do, it's not for long.  I'll be the first to forgive the dogs, because they are so stinkin cute.  I'll be the first to forgive a coworker and say "no worries".  It's a life lesson, I know it won't happen again.

But me, I can beat myself up all day and into the night.  Raising my hand, owning it.  With my next breath I'm beginning a be gentle with myself campaign.  You should too.

I distinctly remember growing up and having my Mom say "I thought you knew everything". Perhaps it was during my teen years when I did in fact know everything.  But it's an awful feeling to think you are supposed to know everything, and you know good and well you don't.  I'm going to let that one go too.

I don't have to know everything, and it's okay to be human.  The dogs adore me just the way I am, and I'm going to relish that.  They are good judges of character.  More forgiving than most, and easily forget my transgressions. What a superb example of acceptance they are.  With that thought in mind, I hope to be more like them.  So when I do have a human moment, I'll bless it with canine acceptance.

Glitches, Goofs, Mistakes, Unexpected Outcomes

In my little town there is a women's group.  Actually it is women from the surrounding communities. Most are related in some way.  Some, like me are there by virtue of a charming personality and a local address.  First let me say moving away from home, family and friends is harder than I ever imaged. Five years later I still feel that way.  Part of that was an unwillingness to let go and fear of opening up.  It's scary to let yourself be known.  It's hard to be vulnerable.  Sometimes it's easier to hold back, rather than move forward. But I digress.

I am blessed to be a part of this group, even as I pray to embrace all it offers. Our last meeting provided an opportunity to bead a bracelet together.  It wasn't my first beading experience, but it's been a while.  Okay, more than five years if I'm being honest.  Some of the time it was beading, some of the time it was a life lesson in the shape of a bracelet. Part of the evening was fun conversation and the rhythm of beading.  Some of the time it was back tracking due to glitches and goofs.  I made some errors.  The beads were less than perfect too.  I got 3/4 the way through, and over two hours into the project and I discovered a flaw in my beads would mean my bracelet would never be perfect. We long for perfect.  We don't want to be the odd one, the slightly imperfect one.  Guess what?  We are all slightly imperfect.  Tempered by moments we are majorly imperfect.

Never mind, that with help, I got all those other beads right.  And therein lies the lesson.  We need help to get where ever we are going.  There will be mistakes and unexpected outcomes.  It's not what we expected, but it's still beautiful. Worth saying again....It's not what we expected, but it is still beautiful.  That, my friend, is life. That is what we need to open our hearts to.

Between a Rock and a Cherry Pitt

Sometimes you just find yourself up to your elbows in cherry juice.  Literally and figuratively. Maybe it's the 24 cups of cherries I've pitted this week, maybe it just reality.  Sometimes life is the pitts. Sometimes it delicious beyond belief.

Let me say how blessed I am.  Thanks to a wonderful Mother's Day gift I own cherry trees, but they are young and haven't produced yet.  Still by the grace God, and good friends I'm putting cherries in the freezer.  When my trees are producing I'll be sharing them too.

Same friend connected me with a truck load load of landscaping rock.  Now, I love rocks.  Especially free rocks.  The bigger the better.  I know, doesn't take much to please me.  My kids will tell you boulders and rocks are always a good gift.  To bad hauling them out to me isn't so easy.  A bottle of wine or even a small tree is much less labor intensive.

Life is like that and some of the best things are labor intensive.  Moving rocks, pitting cherries, faith and relationships fall under that category.  Everyone's life is full of pitts and sharp edges.  It may look picture perfect, but I believe we all struggle some of the time.  While that is disheartening to know, it is comforting to accept.  We are not alone, we struggle, we persevere.  We do it by keeping the faith, by being open to change.  We do it because one can only hold a boulder for so long.  And letting go is sweet relief.  

May....maybe....maybe not

We need to clone me. At least for the month of May. I'm sure the thought of that scares the bejeebers out of my kids and my husband.  Maybe two of me would not be enough. Maybe I need to understand one is enough and I can only do so much.

I might not own it often but life has been hard of late.  Lots of stress, challenges, worries.  I keep going, and when something hard comes I add it on and move on as best I can.  Lately I can feel the weight of it all in my neck, my shoulders and my hips.  I hurt, and still I keep going.  Owning it is the first step they say.

I've had a weekend to myself and find it hard to just relax, to mentally let go of the stress.  To breathe....  The funny part is I'm known for telling people to breathe.  Breathe...and again....  There are several of you who are probably laughing at the absurdity that I can preach it, but can't do it. Heck I laugh at that absurdity.

May is a hard month in my line of work.  Mother's Day and Memorial day are not for the meek of heart.  We had a foster dog who ate my husband's hearing aids (owning it, still waiting to be able to laugh about it).  We're struggled through marital issues.  Oh come on now, everyone in committed relationships raise their hand.  We all do from time to time.  We waited, we worried...we lost our way for a while, and I/we prayed.

In between I tried to get the garden planted, we struggled to get the lawn mowed, and we had company.  Thank God for the company, we needed the distraction! We haven't slept well, and we may have been a wee bit cranky.

Yup, I'm putting this out there.  Years ago when I first started blogging it was for two reasons.  One was the voices in my head, if I had to listen to them so should you. And, two was I figured if I struggled with something I was likely not alone. Alone doesn't have to be an uncomfortable place.  It can be a place of peace and comfort. My struggles may be different than yours, but it helps to know we are not alone.

May is behind me and I'm concentrating on breathing again. Maybe not as deeply as I'd like. Maybe you are ready to breathe again too. Keep after it. Things are on the mend, and it's all good.

Things We Suck At

You know what we suck at?  Okay, maybe it's just me, but I'm betting not.  We suck at being open enough to say I'm not doing so well, I'm hurting...I'm not sure I can do this.  I'm struggling.  Granted we have to have a safe place to do just that.  But sometimes we don't share the burden even when we do.

Now you can share the burden and the outcome may be the same.  Or you can share the burden and things are entirely different.  Even if the outcome is the same.  We need a safe place to be a hot mess. I see this in the world of animal rescue and I see it in human relationships.

We have foster dogs who come in with no sense of what is acceptable or not.  No sense of a loving gentle hand.  Funny, humans have the same issues.  We react to drama, to trauma, to lack of love.  We might lash out, or withdraw, we might bite the hand that feeds us.  Pretty sure every foster dog we've had came in with the need to let go of the past, and find love in the future.  They could just be, hot mess and all, and we could love them to newness. Is it easy? No. Is it the same journey every time. Never.  It involves risk. The risk of owning our struggles. Of owning our journey. And it's messy. Lord knows we don't like messy.  Messy suggests a lack of control.  Holy moley, who has a surplus of control in their lives?  Not me, for sure.

Now while we may suck at things it doesn't mean they have to define us.  If you have a need to connect, the connection will be provided.  Your job is to take that risk and embrace the outcome. It's okay to not have it all together. It's okay to struggle. And it's a blessing to share that we do. Trust me on this one.

What do you believe?

What if you are stuck in the "I can't" instead of the "I Can".  Paralyzed by the "it will never" instead of open to the "yes, it can".  What if your ears were relieved of the minutia of life so that you could hear the divine.  What if? What if?

Maybe then you would see the gifts, the opportunities.  Perhaps then you could see the miracles. What is stopping you?  Is it pride? Is it fear? Is it being comfortable with the chaos instead of letting go and moving on?  Perhaps the pain and suffering is necessary.  I rather think it is.

What if we were quick learners instead of slow learners?  What if hitting bottom was the beginning, not the end.

I can't learn your lessons for you.  I can share my thoughts, make suggestions.  In the end your heart is open or it's closed.  There is not much middle ground.  One way everything is a miracle, and the other nothing is.  Listen carefully.

Momming

I've been a Mom for a long time.  Long enough that I wish I could go back and do those younger years over.  So I could sit and read to them, or rock them to sleep, or hold their hands as we crossed the street.  Now I find the roles have shifted somewhat.  I go to them for help and encouragement as much as they come to me.  Maybe more.

Sometimes I still can't resist saying typical Mom things.  Let me know when you get home, make wise choices.  Remember my birthday is in August and you don't forget me when you win the lottery.

I'll admit to envying people who have close, loving, healthy relationships with their Mom's.  Mine relationship was never exactly where I wanted it to be.  So I feel both envious and a bit detached on Mother's Day. It is what it is. I know without that relationship I would not be the Mom I am today. So for that I give many thanks.

I'm probably more versatile at being a dog Mom, than I was a human Mom.  Dog throws up, no big deal. Clean it up, move on. Baby throws up, I'd get a bit excited.  Toddler throws up and I shared the urge to hurl myself, sometimes I did. I do find it telling that we have three dogs at all times, the same number of children I had. Two males and a female...another interesting coincidence.  Not planned, but a happy bit of serendipity.

For Mom's I hope and pray it fills your heart, it does mine.  If you don't have children of your own, I hope you find children to connect with and share your love.  All of us need a little Mothering, a tender touch, a shoulder to lean on.  All of us have a child within who needs acceptance and encouragement.  Be that person.

Be Still

Ahhhhh.....be still.  So many possibilities, so many struggles.  Am I talking Psalm 46:10? Or am I talking in other generalities.  Yes, yes I am.  Be still. Be still and know. Be still and know that I am God, as the beautiful psalm says.

Maybe it's the issue of slowing down enough to be still.  I have a horrible time with that.  Slowing down my thoughts, my activities, my responsibilities enough to just be still.  Being still enough to take a deep breath.  Being still enough to be aware.  Mostly I'm scrambling to get to the next thing.

I don't know about you, but I need to work on this.  Well,  perhaps not work, but to embrace this. Embracing is good.  I work enough, probably too much, I long to embrace more.  I live in the beautiful middle of nowhere and I can't seem to sit and enjoy it.  I can't hear the silence and sometimes my eyes miss the beauty.

So many times I say I can't, when really I won't.  Arghhh....tell me I'm not alone in this and let's work together on changing it.  Case in point, the dogs. They think nothing of sleeping in the sun, rolling in the grass, running for the sheer joy of it.  I'd have to get a note from my boss and schedule a day off for simple pleasures like this. Oh, wait, I am the boss of my own life.  I don't need a note, but I do need to pencil it in and follow through.

What do you need to be still?  Gardening can be a form of being still. If your mind set is calm and peaceful.  Reading can be being still.  Napping is an amazing way to be still.  Consciously breathing counts as being still.  Being still long enough to find your sense of humor is a good thing too.  So my wish is for you and I to be still.  Let me know how that goes for you.





 

Way Ahead Or Way Behind

For the last couple years our goal has been to add more tree's to our little piece of heaven on earth. Tree's - so many plans, so many dreams.  Cherry tree's - tried twice, with no luck.  Curly willow's - yup, courtesy of stems rooted that would have been trash at the flower shop.  We have two, with plans for more.  Apple tree's on the list.  Peach tree - check.  Thanks to my kids.  Last fall we tried to transplant Aspens and an Oak.  Fail.  Nothing ventured nothing gained.

I cringe when the county comes through and digs up perfectly good tree's that are too close to the road.  I hate to see tree's felled for housing developments and farming.  No offense to the developers and the farmers.  I just love tree's.

We should be more like them.  Able to bend with the storms of life.  Able to put down roots and reach for the stars.  Able to blossom, leaf out and then shed the leaves when the season is over.  Many of us struggle with shedding what no longer serves us well.  Would that we could give shade and shelter like a tree does.

So today we planted two tree's.  That makes us either well ahead of this year's game plan, or way behind last year's. I'm calling it a win.  We planted a pine tree in the back yard.  We prayed it would grow strong and sturdy. Giving the birds a place to nest, the squirrels safety from the dogs, and the dogs a place to pee.  Proof that tree's multitask too.  We also planted a Bald Cypress.  It's been on my wish list ever since we moved.  Now, as a rule I suck at tree identification. But I had a Cypress "in the city" and I loved it. Sometimes you need to bring a bit of those other homes along with you.  We named it Marti, by the way.  In honor of my mother-in-law who passed on last year.  Special memories for a special tree.

I haven't given up on cherry trees, aspens, river birches or oaks. Apples, apricots, pears or another Persian walnut. They are just seeds that will take a little longer to produce.  The best part was working together to plant them.  Planting them to bless the land.  And, trusting they will grace us in the days ahead.

Pivotal Moments

At the end of the day it's time to take stock.  To examine. To sort out the details, to search for the humor and yes, the pivotal moments of your day.  To find the meaning.  Some days, it's on a scale as grand as the horizon.  Some days it's a scramble to fill a thimble full.  Still we try.

We're at the part of the year where spring is upon us and winter still pokes at us.  We see the flowers starting to bloom, the tree's start to leaf out and yet the fields are still not ready for planting.  We want the warmth, we want the growth and we have to wait.  Waiting is not easy.

Many of us wait.  For direction, for answers, for growth.  We plant the seeds of faith and pray they blossom.  Would that our patience was as easy to deposit in as the bank.  Mine, not so much. No one will accuse me of excessive patience. It might not be evident, but it is true. I have to remember things are growing and changing even when I can't see them.

These things I know.  The sun rises and sets. If we're smart we pause to embrace the goodness, the beauty.

What are your moments? Time with friends, the antics of your pets, your faith walk, your passions, your family. Hold them close. And let go knowing....all is unfolding as it should be.

In Between

Ever feel like the "in between" parts of life last an eternity.  In between jobs, in between seasons, in between paychecks, in between holidays.  Stuck between what was and what is to come.  Stuck and discouraged.  We get that way.

In between can be fertile ground for faith, for hope and for dreams.  But sometimes we forget to dream, to imagine, to visualize, to pray.  Perhaps it is because waiting weighs heavy on our heart.

In dog terms, which pretty much rule my life, in between is the time that starts when the bathroom door shuts and drags in excruciating seconds until I open the door up again.  It is also the eternity, which lasts an eternity plus one day, from when I leave for work and return.  Or ten minutes, whichever comes first.

We've been waiting for spring and it's coming. I see it in the tulips pushing through the ground, the forsythia starting to show color, the cranes migrating.  I also see it in the farmers beginning to work their fields.  I bet they struggle with in between time as much as I do.

Maybe if I till, plant, fertilize and harvest more faith the in between's would be more comfortable. The days fly by even if the things we await come slowly.  It's life as we know it.  It is finding grace in the moments, the time between, and knowing good things are coming.  

Holding Back

Ever notice how much you hold back? How closed off you can be, and the amount of energy it takes to do so?  Ever notice how lonely it is when you don't share? Sure we easily share the good stuff, but sharing our struggles, our challenges, our worries? That's another story  You have to hold your breath to hold it in and that is never a good thing.

So let's talk about "another story".  Maybe your other story is about a relationship issue, a work issue, or a scary health issue.  Perhaps it's as simple as wondering if you will ever fit it.  Maybe you are scared to move forward, to trust it's all good even if we don't know the outcome. Maybe your story is painful.  Could be your story makes you worry about being judged.

So you hold back.  Waving my hand and saying yes, I do that.  I could be doing it as we speak.  Fear is at the root of that and the challenge is to wash those fears in faith.  Funny thing is dogs generally don't hold back.  Healthy adjusted dogs are totally, completely, irrevocably in the moment.  And they aren't holding their breath.  They are game on ready for an adventure, a new experience, to meet a new friend and to trust treats will rain from the sky.

I have to wonder how many treats will rain from the sky if I have more faith in the process.  Suppose I let go rather than holding back. We don't have to be isolated.  Whether your nearest neighbor is a mile away or one door away. Start by breathing...by releasing the breath your are holding, and by going faith forward. I'm gonna lean on my friends and faith more.  I hope you will too.

Graces and Gratitudes

There are times in your life where your plate just overflows.  Sometimes with challenges and sometimes with graces.  Often both.

We live in a hard world.  The trick is to keep a soft heart.  I find the dogs help me do that.  Nature helps me do that and friends help me do that.

Lately I find myself especially blessed by friends.  I sometimes thought when we moved from the city I was leaving all my friends. It felt like it. It took a while to find new friends here in our country world.  I wonder if I was slow in making new friends because I was reluctant to let that old life go.

Here is what I discovered recently. Of course the story starts with a dog. Gunther entered our lives very recently as a foster and we just knew (well one of us did) that he was meant to be a forever dog. In reality it was probably not the best time to add another dog to the ranks, but the heart knows what it knows.  We needed him, he needed us.  When there is a will there is a way.

Shortly after he joined us he developed a mass on his leg.  Much as I wanted to pretend it was just a random lump, I knew it looked like a mast cell tumor.  Been down this road before.  I was relieved he hadn't been adopted to someone who would find him flawed or damaged goods.  To us, tumor or not, he is perfect.  He had surgery to remove the mass, and it came back as suspected.  Looks like we got it early with good margins, so we're doing the happy dance.

The amazing part of the story is about friendship.  Friends rallied to surprise us by chipping in towards his vet bill. They made payments by Paypal, by check and by card. At present, we have a credit balance at the vet clinic. Anyone who knows me and dogs will know what a miracle that is. The balance will remain for Gunther's future medical needs. What they don't know, or maybe they do, is the love that touched my heart by them doing so. People sometimes forget how one act of love can multiply. I won't. Every time I look at Gunther I will see my friends. They go where ever I go. I will see love....and I will be grateful.