Healing Awaits

Do you ever have down days? I think we all do. Some of us own them, some don't. Some push through to the other side. Some stuff their feelings only to have them come out sideways. Sometimes we can nudge the feelings aside by counting blessings. Because, true story, we always have blessings to count. 

However, life is hard, we have days that just weigh heavier. Days our losses feel especially tender. Days that feel like the sun just won't shine. 

It takes me back to when I was struggling and began taking anti-depressants. My first marriage was falling apart. I was numb. I felt like my smile wasn't getting to my eyes anymore. It was time to get help. I went round and round with a sibling who maintained that periods of depression are a fact of life, and you just deal with it. Wallow in the pain long enough, and eventually it would go away. It still sounds like a miserable experience to me. Life is hard enough, why deny the help that is available? 

Now I know, asking for help and accepting it is humbling. Owning it exposes our soft belly, so to speak. We want to maintain appearances. That we have it "all" together. Does anyone, really?? We want to be strong and independent. Strong can be a defense mechanism and independent can be isolating. Strong is exhausting, and frankly, no one who is strong really had any other option. 

So, when the road is rough, take stock of your surroundings. Check and see what you're feeling. Own the hard stuff. Accept the help that is available. Let someone know how you're doing, the weight you are holding.  Remember that every storm runs out of rain. Thank you, Maya Angelo, for this wisdom. Count some blessings, feel the feelings, release them. Healing awaits.

Alone, Not Alone

Living alone. It's not for sissies. It is where life has led me, and what I'm accepting. Face it, we all sometimes yearn for what others have. Those with curly hair, want straight hair. Short people long to be tall. Curvy people yearn to be thin. Single people envy couples. Couples may envy singles. You get my drift. Life is complicated. We may want what others have, even in the midst of gratitude for what we have.

I'll be the first to admit I never saw myself living alone. Granted I don't live alone, alone. I do have dogs, or rather, they have me. I'm pretty sure being alone has always been a great fear of mine. And yet, here I am. Ironically, I've been alone even when in relationships. So alone is relative. Funny how life works out that way.

There was a time when I searched out new relationships so I wouldn't be alone. I didn't trust that I was exactly where I needed to be. Not that those choices didn't hold exactly the lessons I needed. Boy howdy, did they. And brought blessings for every lesson taught! I have grown since then. So, while I sometimes wrestle with being alone, I also embrace it.

Like everyone, we need to feel connected. To be a part of something bigger. To feel the comfort that comes with interaction, understanding and caring. To be asked how your day was, reminded to drive safe, to have someone say let me help you with that. We want to give of ourselves, and to receive from others. In a safe, mutually beneficial and fulfilling way. We want someone to laugh with, who listens, who responds appropriately (or inappropriately, lol). And we want our safe comfy space. I have a great appreciation of my space. Which includes more than a little dog fur and a liberal scattering of dog toys.

It takes time alone to understand what makes you comfortably you. It takes faith and resilience. Wrestling with being alone is basically wrestling with yourself. Eventually, thankfully, you find peace, yourself and find the comfort of being by yourself. You know what the good news is? We can be alone and be connected at the same time. One does not preclude the other. Carry on, knowing even if you live alone, you are not alone.

Hello Friend

I have a friend who calls me every week. To her credit, she has seen me, knows my need for connection, and patiently waited out my ability to hold meaningful conversation. She waited for a long time; I think.  Honestly, in the beginning I wasn't very open. I had trouble finding my words. I had difficulty trusting it was safe to just be me. Just the way I am. Add to that the fact I'm sort of an introvert and I have no doubt she felt like she was pulling hens teeth. Thankfully, she's a bit of a talker herself, so she held the conversation fluently when I was learning. I've come a long way conversationally. I tell her in another six years she won't be able to get a word in edgewise. There is something so important to be said here. Call your people. Even if there is not much to say. A human voice, as opposed to a written text, is a joy to hear.

That said, I have a friend who texts with me multiple times a day. My coworkers tease me about the reality of that relationship. They ask if I want to tell them anything. And yes, I would. I would like to tell them her texts help frame my life with humor, understanding, and connectivity. Not to mention accountability, mental health care, a love for food, booze, and dogs that is nothing short of impressive. 

It is about investing in the lives of our friends/family, and friends who are like family. It is about building and sustaining connections. It is the sound of voices we love and words that encourage us.

I'm told people just don't make phone calls anymore. But please do. Call your mom, call your friends, call your siblings, build deeper connections. But also connect in all the other ways we can. With silly text messages, memes, with hundreds of sleeping dog pictures, recipes, weather updates, sarcastic comments and gentle reminders. Throw in an I Love You while you are at it and a text when you get home. It's all good.