Six Packets of Sugar

There is always that person we encounter that is difficult to like. Try as we might they are irritatingly up in our business, or judgemental, cranky, or know it all's. Or they ignore us, act like we don't exist, cut us out of their lives. They are hard to be around, and I suspect life in general is hard for them. Back up the bus, life in general is hard.

Funny thing is we are those very same people. Not all the time, but some of the time. Because we are human beings, prone to human moments, human error and struggling just to be. The saying we are all half jerk, half jewel comes to mind.

Sometimes we have to look past the our judgements and recognize they struggle just like we do. They hurt just like we do. They are doing the best they can, just like we are. And when we get out of our own way, we find ways to connect with them.

Today, it was the simple act of treating someone to a cup of coffee. Why? Because we recognized their struggle and wanted to acknowledge it in some tiny way. Does a cup of coffee hold that much power? Surprisingly, yes it does. Plus, we learned that this person who always gets a McDonald's black coffee with six sugars in it, would rather have a fancy frappuccino with whipped cream on top. We saw a different side of this person, by offering a cup of compassion. When the opportunity presents itself, recognize the need, reach out in kindness, and know whipped cream trumps six packets of sugar any day. One is more affordable, but the sweetness of the other lasts forever. 

 

Belonging

Belonging. Be longing. Longing.

We can read those words so many ways, and feel them very differently. I feel myself longing to belong. To be a part of something larger than myself. To be connected, to feel like a valued/included part of family/community. 

Honestly, I've struggled with feeling connected. Why you might ask? Well, I ask myself the same thing. Part of it is trust, part is life history. Promises made and not kept, past trauma, losses. Some of our greatest lessons come from such situations. Lessons that are hard to learn, slow in evolving, that are quite frankly life changing. 

I thought being geographically close would enhance feeling connected. Thing is, connection is more of an action, than a location. It's an investment of time and interest, concern and communication. It's being seen, heard and understood. It's being vulnerable and compassionate. It's inclusion. It's sharing the big and little things of life. It's saying I'm leaving now or I got there safely. It's how was your day. How much rain did you get? It's how did you sleep or what did you eat? It's what do you need. It's you're not alone. It's how was your weekend? It's how was today for you. It's 'I care" manifested in action.

Some people experienced this from birth, some lack solid role models and have to grow into it. We know growth is hard. If it was easy how would we learn from it? The struggle is wanting to belong, but hesitating to believe we deserve it. It is staying in the dysfunction, because that is the function you know. It's having to push past the discomfort to find the comfort. It's hard damn it.

Do you feel like you belong? Or do you wrestle with that? Is that a big question or what? Or, do you feel like you don't belong and could care less. Maybe in some ways that's healthy, in others not so much. We need each other. We need support. We need to be able to lean on others, and have others lean on us. Life is hard enough without feeling alone. I hope you don't, and if you do, please reach out.