Terrible, Umm, No

I got to thinking recently about the times I've been told I'm terrible. The times it's happened and the people who've told me that. Admittedly, I've told myself that at time or two. Also, admittedly I've been told that by a parent, a spouse, a coworker, a several customers over the years. Pretty sure I am not alone. Life just hands us shit sandwiches sometimes. 

Here is my takeaway. We're all half jerk, half jewel. Some days we lean more heavily to one side than the other. Everyone who said this was entitled to their own opinion. They were not entitled to take it out on me. Sometimes I absorbed the accusation. Sometimes it was crushing. Sometimes it rolled off like water on a duck. Sometimes I was numb to it. I don't believe I ever had the instinctive reaction to say, no, no I'm not. But, and there is always a but, I'm getting there.

I want that for myself. I want that for you too. While we may have terrible moments, we are not terrible. We need to remind ourselves of that. I know enough now, and sometimes I remember, that hurt people hurt people. It's a response born of pain, frustration, anger.  It's not something you forget. I have clear memories of such events. However, when you learn it's not about you it's about them, then you can turn the tables. By turning the tables, we can extend grace to ourselves and others.

We all need grace, and there is no limit to how often, how much and who we extend it to. If you have moments, memories or experiences of being told you are terrible. I assure you, you're not. You are human, prone to human moments. It's okay. You're okay. I am too. 

Small Bowls and Gratitude

Small bowls. They seem to be significant for this stage in life. When I look in my cabinet the big mixing bowls sit unused. Gone are the days of making big casseroles, batches of cookies, brownies, bread. When I pull them out I think wow, these bowls are heavy! They didn't used to feel heavy. They were used almost daily to feed a family, nourish bodies, provide snacks and desserts. Now when I look for a bowl I reach for the smaller ones. Two of which were my Mom's, so they're old bowls. I hope someday my kids will want them because sometimes your Mom's old bowls are just what you need. 

Gratitude, big, medium, small. Much like the bowls. With various sizes in between. Sometimes spilling over, sometimes just a smidge, other times a few drops. I've been keeping a list of things that I'm grateful for. It's posted in the kitchen; anyone can add to it. One of my kids is great about adding his gratitude's to it. I love that. I was getting a bit lazy about adding to it. Not that I wasn't grateful. Just that I wasn't consciously grateful. I wasn't present in the moment, or moments that grace my life. So, I put a pretty journal next to my bed. Each night, while I savor a small piece of candy, I write down five things I'm grateful for. Five things. Some days I'll jot a few down during the day and get a head start. For some reason the first four flow easily. The fifth one takes some thinking. Once I was grateful for the same thing five times over. It kind of defeats the purpose, but on that day, I was super grateful for one thing. So, I made an exception. 

I believe today I'll be grateful for the big and little bowls that have been a part of my life. For the wisdom to slow down daily and find some gratitude, for making exceptions, for just plain mixing it up. And... for that fifth thing that will come to me later. It always does.