The Power of Compassion

Never underestimate the power of compassion. Everything else may weigh heavy, but compassion brings light to our hearts. 

It is people you never expect to recognize and share your pain doing just that. In the middle of 60+ other people at a Christmas gathering. That you were hesitant to go to, because the freaking stigma part of losing someone to suicide makes you shaky at best sometimes. It's your kids who encouraged you to go, knowing you'd be welcomed with open arms. It's the people who jump up and down when they see you. And, it's the satisfaction of pushing past the fear of showing up more than a little bit broken. Who of us isn't a little bit broken?

Compassion is looking back to honor our trials, growth and the grace that came with it. It's looking forward to the days ahead. Even if, especially if, the present day doesn't seem to hold either growth or grace. Compassion is digging deep. It is finding the good stuff and releasing the bad stuff. It is choosing to take leaps of faith. It is something we give others, and ourselves.

So may you, in your time of need, experience compassion. It manifests love in unexpected, but much needed ways.

The Time Of Year

So much anticipation in these days before Christmas. So much fullness in our days, so much of everything. Expectation, hope, dreams, desires. So much of just plain wanting, not just of things, but of the way things should be during the holidays.

While it's okay to want all of that, it's also fine to own that sometimes reality doesn't come near to matching our expectations. It may be the "happiest time of the year" but we struggle with grief, illness, loneliness, lost dreams, broken hearts.  I've struggled with getting into the spirit this year.  I love looking at Christmas tree's in other peoples windows, but couldn't bring myself to put up one of my own. Motivation to decorate, meh. Maybe next year.

Ever notice, in passing conversation, how often we ask are you ready for Christmas? Honestly, beyond the obvious yes or no. What would you really like to reply? Consider these options...I'm not ready and never will be. I'm on a hamster wheel of preparation and I can't get off. I haven't done enough. I wish I could do more. My heart is ready, but my house is not. I'm ready for it to be over. I'm ready for the proverbial silent night. 

I am ready to lavish my love even if it's not in tangible form. I am ready to own that the holidays remind me of painful losses, challenges and on going struggles. I'm ready to remember I may feel lonely, or lost, but I am neither lost or alone. Most honestly, I miss the innocence of past Christmas'. But, and there is always a but, I will move through the season as best I can. When there are tears, I'll embrace them. When there is joy I will cherish it. When I'm somewhere in between I'll lean on my faith. 

I wish you the magical season we all dream of, and I'll challenge you to find the gifts in the harder seasons in life. They are there, we just have to dig deeper to find them. 

Gifts

It is the season of gifts. I wish I had the ability to lavish those I love with gifts. Big gifts, little gifts, silly gifts, family treasure gifts. Homemade gifts, food gifts, gifts that make your eyes leak gifts.  I wish I had more to give.

But back up the bus. We can give things, but often we need less things and more love. I want to give more love in my life. Life is hard, we need more love. Sometimes I wonder if the gifts I gave in the past were enough. Sometimes they were more than enough and I didn't realize it.  

This time of year we are pushed/encouraged/expected to spend spend spend on those gifts gifts gifts. Honestly, my budget is stretched thin. Here is the deal, my budget is simply my income and what I do to keep the bills paid, dogs fed and get me from here to there. It only reflects my money, it does not measure my blessings. My blessings totally out weigh my finances.

So how to celebrate the season and share the blessings. Still trying to sort that one out. I can say whatever gift I give comes with way more love than the value of the item. I haven't got a lot, but I have everything that matters. I pray you do to.

I have a heart with love to give, even though life has been hard on it. I have the will to live and to love. I have ability to indulge in my passion for helping dogs, for sharing heartfelt words and the strength to do just that. I want to give you everything and all I have is me to give. Perhaps I am the gift. Perhaps you are the gift. We come messy and grieving, with humor and hope. We come growing and hurting, we come healing and learning. We come in a million different packages. With pieces of ourselves to give. Therein lies the gift.  

Head Games

It's December 1st and I've been writing my Christmas letter for a few days now. Mostly I've been fighting the head games that are blocking the words from flowing out.

We all have head games that keeps us from being and doing. I'll share some of mine relating to my letter. "What could you possibly have to say that merits a Christmas letter". "In your quiet, read - work, no social life, existence what would be worth sharing?" "How do you explain the grieving and growth that has happened this year and who cares?" Here's a really personal one...."your first husband left you and your second husband killed himself, you got nothing".  That thought is brutal and I fight with it daily.

I've probably said this hundreds of times in my blog. Owning it is the first step. I share because I know in my heart someone out there can relate. I pray someone out there will find comfort. That someone out there will find courage, and be uplifted. I trust that person will be me and I hope it is you.

So first I'm rewriting the messages in my head and then I'll carry on with my letter.  I'll find some humor, some truth, some way to share this year of my life. Some years aren't all glory and extravagance. Some are subtle steps towards healing, laced with gratitude and faith. That itself is worth sharing.