It's December 1st and I've been writing my Christmas letter for a few days now. Mostly I've been fighting the head games that are blocking the words from flowing out.
We all have head games that keeps us from being and doing. I'll share some of mine relating to my letter. "What could you possibly have to say that merits a Christmas letter". "In your quiet, read - work, no social life, existence what would be worth sharing?" "How do you explain the grieving and growth that has happened this year and who cares?" Here's a really personal one...."your first husband left you and your second husband killed himself, you got nothing". That thought is brutal and I fight with it daily.
I've probably said this hundreds of times in my blog. Owning it is the first step. I share because I know in my heart someone out there can relate. I pray someone out there will find comfort. That someone out there will find courage, and be uplifted. I trust that person will be me and I hope it is you.
So first I'm rewriting the messages in my head and then I'll carry on with my letter. I'll find some humor, some truth, some way to share this year of my life. Some years aren't all glory and extravagance. Some are subtle steps towards healing, laced with gratitude and faith. That itself is worth sharing.
Nancy, I don't have the words to express how special you are. I am reading your blogs and wondering how you can put your heart and soul into such amazing words. I realize they come from the depths of your very being and I am in awe. So much of what you are going through I can relate to on many levels and feel honored that you shared it. Just know you have helped me on so many levels and I am certain that I am not alone. You are brave and have become a friend and hero to me. I knew from facebook what a special person you are and now I feel that even more. God Bless your journey of turning your grief into this amazing gift of words. I will continue to pray for you and Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers,
Carla
Oh Carla, thank you for you encouraging words. If I have helped in any way, for any one, then the pain diminishes. {{{hugs}}}
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