What Is And What Isn't

I read a great quote this week. "I learned friendship isn't only about what you can give, it's what you're able to receive". Brilliance credited to Sheryl Sandberg.  

What is true is that I am a giver.  What is true is I weep easily. What is true is receiving is hard. Even when you know you need help, want help and it's available it's hard to receive. Some people, we'll call them "our people" are bonded to us enough that receiving is as easy as breathing. They do for us, we do for them. Lately I've realized there are way more of "our people" than I knew. They just want to be there. It's humbling.

Case in point, our church family.  Now I was raised Catholic.  I went to a rocking Catholic Church.  I barely new my bible, but I knew my church. It's taken a long time for our current church to feel like home. And, find my way around my bible. That's my fault, not theirs. I was stuck in what it wasn't and resisted what it was. Our church family supported us last weekend, and yes I cried. Most of our church family barely know us. We are newer to this community. As we struggle with financial issues from medical bills, they said you are "our people" and we will help. 

So while they say it is better to give, it is also good to receive. What it's about is opening your heart, about accepting your challenges. What it isn't about is pride. Accept the gifts offered. Be our people, we'll be your people too. That's friendship and faith in action.

Planting Seeds

I have been planting seeds.  Sometimes it's all you can do.  Come to think of it, I've done this all my life.  Lately I've been planting seeds of beans, dill, seed potatoes, spinach, nasturtiums, morning glory, four o'clocks and seeds of hope and faith.  I wish I knew the germination time for seeds of hope.

It's not easy.  But it feels good to get my hands dirty.  Sometimes in life you hardly need any seeds, other times, like recently, there aren't enough seeds available to get you through the day.

Still you plant. Still you weed and prepare the soil.  Sometimes the soil is your heart, your energy, your faith.  Sometimes it seems so uncertain. Where is the rain when you need it? Why is it cold and windy when we need sun and warmth? Why must we dig so deep.

In so many ways seeds I scattered along the way have blossomed for me this season.  I seem to water those with tears of thanksgiving.  You know who you are and I thank you.

 

Other seeds have been sown and I have to let them go. Letting go is a struggle, patience is not my strong suit.  I may shake my fist at them and fret at the uncertainty of it all.  Like that helps the process even the littlest bit.

So I wait, and I plant.  On the good days I trust that work is happening beneath the ground, and will bear fruit down the road.  So I wait.

Upheaval

In the blink of an eye life changes.  If we so choose, we change with it.  In the moment, and in the fall out, the undertow is overwhelming.  The familiar is gone, the future is uncertain and all you hold on to is faith, family and friends. Sometimes it doesn't feel like enough, but the truth is it is more than enough.

Sound melodramatic? Possibly, unless you have experienced it.  I have found, of late, that my support system is larger than I ever dreamed.  I believe my lesson from this is to be more available to those in need.  To take time to reach out, to listen, to put love into a tangible form.  It may be in the shape of banana bread, or a card full of good wishes, it may be a shoulder to lean on, a heart to hold another's pain.  It may be as simple as taking out someone's trash or packing them a lunch..  It is absolutely gentle arms holding another person in need of consolation and strength.  It is knowing that when you whisper to another "I don't know how to get through this" that they will help you find a way.

It is not what I can't do, after a life changing event, it is what I can do.  What I will do, and what I actually do. It is taking responsibility, making amends and moving on.  The past is gone, and the here and now looks different. Upheaval pushes us to grow.  Tears flow. Life goes on.  And I am grateful.

Rest, I shall rest.

On the seventh day, God rested.  Ever notice just how hard it is for us to do that?  At least for me it is. I struggle with getting enough done, doing it well, and get blind sided by all the other "to do's" next in line.

I get sucked into the "well, one of us has to" and it's usually me.  Even today I'm wrestling a bit with that.  The list of what I should do is long.  I should get up, the dogs need out. We should go to church, I should do laundry, baking, cleaning.

What if I let go of those expectations, and embrace what feeds my soul and nurtures my body? What if I prayed and gave thanks from the comfort of my sofa, in my robe with a dog snuggled next to me? Would God approve? I'm thinking so.  Not that I'd feel the sense of community that attending service brings, but sometimes embracing rest is important too.

Lest the dogs worry, meals will be served, they won't starve and all will still be well if I take a day of rest.  If the house doesn't get cleaned, all will be well.  I can pick and chose where I expend my energy.  Something I clearly need more practice at.  The dogs rest when they are tired, why can't I?

No doubt because I always try to get it right, ok, I try to get it more than right.  Some people never try because they believe they will never get it right. My pendulum swings the exact opposite.  Find the balance people, find the balance!

So today my balance will be softer.  I'll embrace with less frenetic energy. I'll savor more and push through less.  I will rest, some.  It's a very good start.  Wishing you the same.

Long Time No Blog

For some reason I've been too busy, too lazy, too preoccupied to take time to write.  Writing is a healing process for me and I've neglected my need to process.  Funny how we hide behind our excuses to do things. Or not do things. Here are a few of mine, owning it is the first step.

I/we've been busy fostering dogs.  True story.  One month two different dogs.  One easy, one a challenge (can you say wild puppy shenanigans)? Lots of fodder for writing, and yet I never took the time.

Lots going on at work.  Whoa, who hasn't used this excuse for not investing in something or someone they love? Need I say more? Ummm, no.

I've been struggling with life issues, but I don't want to let on that I'm struggling.  Because being vulnerable is uncomfortable. So I, or you, or we don't let on and don't be open to the healing.  We just hold on to the fear and stay stuck.  Show of hands? Sound familiar?

I'm afraid to feel.  Feeling is messy.  Sometimes messy good, sometimes messy hard.  Best to stay quiet...NO...best to experience all life offers and move forward.

I've been stuck.  Just stuck in a routine.  It is what it is.  In the process I've overlooked how much I like to process.  And in the process I've been stuck in what I struggle with rather than what graces my life. Sometimes we just plain forget the good stuff we are blessed with.

So this week, Thanksgiving week I plan to get moving.  To move into both gratitude and awareness. To feel things, to let go of what isn't serving me well. To stand up for me, to love me, to honor what pleases me.  I pray you will do the same. And in all of this, I will be thankful.

One Step Away

If only we knew.  If only we could tell.  If only we took time to say, how are you? Really, beneath the surface, how are you.  I bet we'd be surprised.  I'm just like you, I get busy.   Get a little wrapped up in the daily routine and I just plain forget to look deeper.

Perhaps we all need to look deeper.  I'd like to look deeper into my creativity, and deeper into my friendships.  Both of those areas in my life could use some TLC.  I love the solitude of country life. The quiet, the peace, the fact that some days I don't see anyone.  But the social girl, the city girl in me needs a strong connection to my support system.  I have to laugh, that even after all this time, I'm still settling in.  Trying to find my place in my new life.

Where are you in your life, whether it's new, or familiar, or in transition.  Are you one step away from opening your heart, or one step from closing it.  Are you barely holding on? Are you ready for a leap of faith?  Are you hurting? Are you lonely? Are you in the middle of a really long haul?  Are you bursting with excitement? Are you worried? Are you scared? Are you filled with peace?

The dogs are always one step away from joy, from adventure, from a good nap, from giving me reason to smile.  The farmers are one step away from harvest, and the day is one step away from completion.  What are you one step away from?  Have you paused to ask deeply? If not, would you be willing to do just that.

 

I'm Prone To Being Human

Try as I might I'm prone to being human.  Hence, mistakes, and booboo's.  I goof up, I miss an important detail. I open my mouth and the wrong thing comes out.  And, I struggle with myself when I have a truly human moment. Funny, it's easy to celebrate when a moment of brilliance happens. In fact I try to lump them together.

I'm pretty sure the dog's don't find fault with themselves.  And if they do, it's not for long.  I'll be the first to forgive the dogs, because they are so stinkin cute.  I'll be the first to forgive a coworker and say "no worries".  It's a life lesson, I know it won't happen again.

But me, I can beat myself up all day and into the night.  Raising my hand, owning it.  With my next breath I'm beginning a be gentle with myself campaign.  You should too.

I distinctly remember growing up and having my Mom say "I thought you knew everything". Perhaps it was during my teen years when I did in fact know everything.  But it's an awful feeling to think you are supposed to know everything, and you know good and well you don't.  I'm going to let that one go too.

I don't have to know everything, and it's okay to be human.  The dogs adore me just the way I am, and I'm going to relish that.  They are good judges of character.  More forgiving than most, and easily forget my transgressions. What a superb example of acceptance they are.  With that thought in mind, I hope to be more like them.  So when I do have a human moment, I'll bless it with canine acceptance.