In all my dreams of life, of where it would take me, of what it would hold, losing someone to suicide never entered my mind. Now that it is my reality it will never leave my mind. This, however, is what I have learned....
I have been gifted with others who have walked this path before me. They are like a life line of sorts. They get the reality, and I can say...did you feel...? does it ever...? How do I...? Why didn't I...? When does it...? How can I...?
No doubt those who have ventured down any crushing path in life can relate. Having kindred spirits ahead of you, and yes, behind you makes all the difference. The kindred spirits, become a unique part of your support system.
There are more of us out there than most people know. So many experience the loss to suicide in some way, shape or form. So few share their experience. Luckily I've connected with several who walk my walk, but started before me.
And luckily, I've connected with one so far, who walks behind me. I don't have the answers to a loss that comes with a bazillion questions. I do have a little experience which is valuable to someone with no experience.
I don't know the name of the lady who walks behind me. I met her through work, I see her in the store. If I never know her name, it won't matter. All that matters is that we share pain. She knows she can lean on me whenever our paths cross. I know I can lean on those ahead of me, and support those behind me. Others will join in as I connect in life and because of death. Therein lies the grace, and I'm counting that as a win.
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