How are you? Three little words. One easy question? Or, one loaded question.
Since my life was impacted by suicide, I'm never sure how to answer that question. Partially because some days I don't know the answer to that. Sometimes it's a superficial question to which we give a pat answer. I'm fine, how are you? Never expecting an honest answer to the question. Some days it's easier to just answer this way.
I don't know what people expect of those who are surviving a catastrophic loss. There is no way to anticipate or prepare for this. I know that no two days are the same. Growth comes in painful spurts, laughter is always welcome, the loneliness is heart wrenching, and Lordy, I need more hugs. I know there are people I feel comfortable with showing my brokenness. Who either walk the same path, or have sufficient empathy to partner with me. I know that others are a step to distant, or different to open up to. And, that is okay.
It's a daily battle to try to grasp why someone would choose death over life. Likewise a daily battle to build a new life after a loss like that. Enough of a challenge that the question, how are you, becomes quite complicated.
To that I say....self, how are you? Friend, how are you? Neighbor, how are you? And I pray you take a moment to answer that honestly in your heart. Answer it with faith that if it's a hard day they won't all be this way. Answer it with hope, because the best is yet to come. Answer it with gratitude. Answer it with your shattered self leaning into the love that is readily available.
I am thinking about your question why would someone choose death over life? Many times those who do are loved, have many things going for them and are surrounded by others. I think their despair is so dark and so deep that they have lost their hope, their faith and their gratitude. To them the only way it will get better for all is for them to end the feelings of hurt and despair. As a family member when someone suffers (and I truly believe it is a suffering) from a mental illness we are the ones with the faith, the hope the gratitude. We try so hard to help them and yet at times it is not enough. During those times we too are tested and cling to that faith, hope and gratitude, even more so if they decide to leave this world. We are left here to grieve, to continue on and in the process hopefully to help others. Love your writings Nancy, sending hugs and know that I am thinking about you!
ReplyDeleteAhhhh,thank you for you thoughts and gentle words.
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