Fine Line

There is a infinitely fine line between joy and grief. I never realized that until the grief journey became my path in life. Perhaps, one must experience great loss to fully embrace great joy. Not that I didn't have an appreciation for joy before. I did, I think. But, and there is always a but, there is a depth to it that came with experiencing loss.

This is good news. There are a few good things that come from the experience of a death by suicide, or other tragic loss. Gifts, if you will. It's nearly impossible to see the gifts at first. And, truthfully, one would never ask for these gifts. Never in a million years. Some gifts are destined for us. 

The gift of tears. No one wants to cry from pain, from loss. It's much easier to cry with joy. Tears cleanse, tears heal, tears always remind me I'll come out stronger on the other side. And I do. The gift of growth. Growth is hard, no one wants to learn this way. But, what an education. The gift of learning I need to ask for what I need. I'm suck at this. I am a push through, do without, make due person. I'm learning to reach out, to share my story, to ask for what I need. Loss has been a catalyst for this. The gift of depth. As the healing goes on I feel deeper. Deeper pain, yes. But also deeper joy. It's a fine wobbly line in between, but crossing back and forth is part of life. The gift of awareness and self care. I can't help you if I don't take care of me first. There is a life lesson if I ever saw one.

Here is the deal. Feel things. Feel deeply. Feel gratefully. Feel with tears, when tears come. Feel with laughter, when laughter comes. It's a fine line, this life of ours. A line that offers gifts. Accept them.