Self Talk

Long time no blog. Have I wanted to, yup. Have I, nope. Mostly I've been working. I resigned one job, worked an interim job, transitioned into a new position and hit the ground running. And running, and running.

Truthfully, I've run myself ragged. After long days at work I face the "I should's". I should walk the dogs (and most days I do). I should mow, I should do laundry. I should eat, I should clean up the kitchen. For a solitary person I have a lot of dirty dishes. Mostly cups, and spoons. Okay, plates too. I can "I should" myself day and night.

I'd like to erase "I Should" and replace it with I'd like, I need, I want, I will. Then make sure some of those involve, rest, laughter, and in general slowing down enough to breathe. To be in the moment.

I'd like to feel my feelings. Pull them out of the basket, examine them and release what I'm done with, what isn't mine to carry. I'd like to remove my "mask" of strength, and just be. Be able to connect, to ask for what I need, to be fully supported. I want to sit in my grieving moments, acknowledging all the big losses and little losses, so I can move forward with a life that fills me with hope.

I will talk to myself more. Self, you did good today. Self, life has been so so hard, and yet you survived. Self, it was not your fault. Self, I love you. Self, it's okay to cry. Self it's okay to make mistakes. Self, use your words. Self, it's okay to laugh. Self adopt another dog. Self, follow your bliss. Self, rest. That one bears repeating. Self, rest. Self, live!

When you falter, and we all do, ask your self, how you feel, what you need, how to find rest. Then run in that direction. You can thank yourself later.