Paths

Eleven years ago a couple gathered their friends, and family to celebrate beginning a life together. Many couples may have done the exact same thing. They looked forward with hope, faith, and with anyone's guess on how life will play out. They may have been fully committed. Or deep down only partially committed, but 100% hopeful. Either way they turned down a path to build a life together. Kudos to those still walking that path.

Paths are rarely easy, hardly ever straightforward, often grueling, although sometimes they meander through soft spots and lovely places. There are crossroads to be navigated, choices to be made, growth to be experienced.

I firmly believe in committed relationships and marriage. I have friends celebrating fifty years together, and others just beginning. No one knows how those journeys will unfold. People change, plans change, priorities shift, growth happens, sometimes illness changes the trajectory of life. 

I struggle with feeling like I failed in marriage. Did I make mistakes, uh huh. Did I communicate as well as I needed to, nope. Owning it is the first step. Was I committed, yup, twice. Did I choose to grow? Yes, in retrospect, not as quickly as I should have, but definitely according to the bigger plan. Funny how growth takes as long as it takes when you are willing. And it takes forever when you are not.

Life does not go as planned. I am often surprised at how much better it goes than anticipated. All the while grieving how much worse it went than expected. We can feel multiple things at the same time. 

I would not be where I am without those commitments. So many good things came from them.They came in the form of children, friends, life experiences, growth, and yes, regret and sorrow. Life is like that. We chose to set out on a path full of faith and hope. Along the way, in all the circumstances, we are blessed. Just not in ways we expect.