Long Time No Blog

For some reason I've been too busy, too lazy, too preoccupied to take time to write.  Writing is a healing process for me and I've neglected my need to process.  Funny how we hide behind our excuses to do things. Or not do things. Here are a few of mine, owning it is the first step.

I/we've been busy fostering dogs.  True story.  One month two different dogs.  One easy, one a challenge (can you say wild puppy shenanigans)? Lots of fodder for writing, and yet I never took the time.

Lots going on at work.  Whoa, who hasn't used this excuse for not investing in something or someone they love? Need I say more? Ummm, no.

I've been struggling with life issues, but I don't want to let on that I'm struggling.  Because being vulnerable is uncomfortable. So I, or you, or we don't let on and don't be open to the healing.  We just hold on to the fear and stay stuck.  Show of hands? Sound familiar?

I'm afraid to feel.  Feeling is messy.  Sometimes messy good, sometimes messy hard.  Best to stay quiet...NO...best to experience all life offers and move forward.

I've been stuck.  Just stuck in a routine.  It is what it is.  In the process I've overlooked how much I like to process.  And in the process I've been stuck in what I struggle with rather than what graces my life. Sometimes we just plain forget the good stuff we are blessed with.

So this week, Thanksgiving week I plan to get moving.  To move into both gratitude and awareness. To feel things, to let go of what isn't serving me well. To stand up for me, to love me, to honor what pleases me.  I pray you will do the same. And in all of this, I will be thankful.

One Step Away

If only we knew.  If only we could tell.  If only we took time to say, how are you? Really, beneath the surface, how are you.  I bet we'd be surprised.  I'm just like you, I get busy.   Get a little wrapped up in the daily routine and I just plain forget to look deeper.

Perhaps we all need to look deeper.  I'd like to look deeper into my creativity, and deeper into my friendships.  Both of those areas in my life could use some TLC.  I love the solitude of country life. The quiet, the peace, the fact that some days I don't see anyone.  But the social girl, the city girl in me needs a strong connection to my support system.  I have to laugh, that even after all this time, I'm still settling in.  Trying to find my place in my new life.

Where are you in your life, whether it's new, or familiar, or in transition.  Are you one step away from opening your heart, or one step from closing it.  Are you barely holding on? Are you ready for a leap of faith?  Are you hurting? Are you lonely? Are you in the middle of a really long haul?  Are you bursting with excitement? Are you worried? Are you scared? Are you filled with peace?

The dogs are always one step away from joy, from adventure, from a good nap, from giving me reason to smile.  The farmers are one step away from harvest, and the day is one step away from completion.  What are you one step away from?  Have you paused to ask deeply? If not, would you be willing to do just that.

 

I'm Prone To Being Human

Try as I might I'm prone to being human.  Hence, mistakes, and booboo's.  I goof up, I miss an important detail. I open my mouth and the wrong thing comes out.  And, I struggle with myself when I have a truly human moment. Funny, it's easy to celebrate when a moment of brilliance happens. In fact I try to lump them together.

I'm pretty sure the dog's don't find fault with themselves.  And if they do, it's not for long.  I'll be the first to forgive the dogs, because they are so stinkin cute.  I'll be the first to forgive a coworker and say "no worries".  It's a life lesson, I know it won't happen again.

But me, I can beat myself up all day and into the night.  Raising my hand, owning it.  With my next breath I'm beginning a be gentle with myself campaign.  You should too.

I distinctly remember growing up and having my Mom say "I thought you knew everything". Perhaps it was during my teen years when I did in fact know everything.  But it's an awful feeling to think you are supposed to know everything, and you know good and well you don't.  I'm going to let that one go too.

I don't have to know everything, and it's okay to be human.  The dogs adore me just the way I am, and I'm going to relish that.  They are good judges of character.  More forgiving than most, and easily forget my transgressions. What a superb example of acceptance they are.  With that thought in mind, I hope to be more like them.  So when I do have a human moment, I'll bless it with canine acceptance.

Glitches, Goofs, Mistakes, Unexpected Outcomes

In my little town there is a women's group.  Actually it is women from the surrounding communities. Most are related in some way.  Some, like me are there by virtue of a charming personality and a local address.  First let me say moving away from home, family and friends is harder than I ever imaged. Five years later I still feel that way.  Part of that was an unwillingness to let go and fear of opening up.  It's scary to let yourself be known.  It's hard to be vulnerable.  Sometimes it's easier to hold back, rather than move forward. But I digress.

I am blessed to be a part of this group, even as I pray to embrace all it offers. Our last meeting provided an opportunity to bead a bracelet together.  It wasn't my first beading experience, but it's been a while.  Okay, more than five years if I'm being honest.  Some of the time it was beading, some of the time it was a life lesson in the shape of a bracelet. Part of the evening was fun conversation and the rhythm of beading.  Some of the time it was back tracking due to glitches and goofs.  I made some errors.  The beads were less than perfect too.  I got 3/4 the way through, and over two hours into the project and I discovered a flaw in my beads would mean my bracelet would never be perfect. We long for perfect.  We don't want to be the odd one, the slightly imperfect one.  Guess what?  We are all slightly imperfect.  Tempered by moments we are majorly imperfect.

Never mind, that with help, I got all those other beads right.  And therein lies the lesson.  We need help to get where ever we are going.  There will be mistakes and unexpected outcomes.  It's not what we expected, but it's still beautiful. Worth saying again....It's not what we expected, but it is still beautiful.  That, my friend, is life. That is what we need to open our hearts to.

Between a Rock and a Cherry Pitt

Sometimes you just find yourself up to your elbows in cherry juice.  Literally and figuratively. Maybe it's the 24 cups of cherries I've pitted this week, maybe it just reality.  Sometimes life is the pitts. Sometimes it delicious beyond belief.

Let me say how blessed I am.  Thanks to a wonderful Mother's Day gift I own cherry trees, but they are young and haven't produced yet.  Still by the grace God, and good friends I'm putting cherries in the freezer.  When my trees are producing I'll be sharing them too.

Same friend connected me with a truck load load of landscaping rock.  Now, I love rocks.  Especially free rocks.  The bigger the better.  I know, doesn't take much to please me.  My kids will tell you boulders and rocks are always a good gift.  To bad hauling them out to me isn't so easy.  A bottle of wine or even a small tree is much less labor intensive.

Life is like that and some of the best things are labor intensive.  Moving rocks, pitting cherries, faith and relationships fall under that category.  Everyone's life is full of pitts and sharp edges.  It may look picture perfect, but I believe we all struggle some of the time.  While that is disheartening to know, it is comforting to accept.  We are not alone, we struggle, we persevere.  We do it by keeping the faith, by being open to change.  We do it because one can only hold a boulder for so long.  And letting go is sweet relief.  

May....maybe....maybe not

We need to clone me. At least for the month of May. I'm sure the thought of that scares the bejeebers out of my kids and my husband.  Maybe two of me would not be enough. Maybe I need to understand one is enough and I can only do so much.

I might not own it often but life has been hard of late.  Lots of stress, challenges, worries.  I keep going, and when something hard comes I add it on and move on as best I can.  Lately I can feel the weight of it all in my neck, my shoulders and my hips.  I hurt, and still I keep going.  Owning it is the first step they say.

I've had a weekend to myself and find it hard to just relax, to mentally let go of the stress.  To breathe....  The funny part is I'm known for telling people to breathe.  Breathe...and again....  There are several of you who are probably laughing at the absurdity that I can preach it, but can't do it. Heck I laugh at that absurdity.

May is a hard month in my line of work.  Mother's Day and Memorial day are not for the meek of heart.  We had a foster dog who ate my husband's hearing aids (owning it, still waiting to be able to laugh about it).  We're struggled through marital issues.  Oh come on now, everyone in committed relationships raise their hand.  We all do from time to time.  We waited, we worried...we lost our way for a while, and I/we prayed.

In between I tried to get the garden planted, we struggled to get the lawn mowed, and we had company.  Thank God for the company, we needed the distraction! We haven't slept well, and we may have been a wee bit cranky.

Yup, I'm putting this out there.  Years ago when I first started blogging it was for two reasons.  One was the voices in my head, if I had to listen to them so should you. And, two was I figured if I struggled with something I was likely not alone. Alone doesn't have to be an uncomfortable place.  It can be a place of peace and comfort. My struggles may be different than yours, but it helps to know we are not alone.

May is behind me and I'm concentrating on breathing again. Maybe not as deeply as I'd like. Maybe you are ready to breathe again too. Keep after it. Things are on the mend, and it's all good.

Things We Suck At

You know what we suck at?  Okay, maybe it's just me, but I'm betting not.  We suck at being open enough to say I'm not doing so well, I'm hurting...I'm not sure I can do this.  I'm struggling.  Granted we have to have a safe place to do just that.  But sometimes we don't share the burden even when we do.

Now you can share the burden and the outcome may be the same.  Or you can share the burden and things are entirely different.  Even if the outcome is the same.  We need a safe place to be a hot mess. I see this in the world of animal rescue and I see it in human relationships.

We have foster dogs who come in with no sense of what is acceptable or not.  No sense of a loving gentle hand.  Funny, humans have the same issues.  We react to drama, to trauma, to lack of love.  We might lash out, or withdraw, we might bite the hand that feeds us.  Pretty sure every foster dog we've had came in with the need to let go of the past, and find love in the future.  They could just be, hot mess and all, and we could love them to newness. Is it easy? No. Is it the same journey every time. Never.  It involves risk. The risk of owning our struggles. Of owning our journey. And it's messy. Lord knows we don't like messy.  Messy suggests a lack of control.  Holy moley, who has a surplus of control in their lives?  Not me, for sure.

Now while we may suck at things it doesn't mean they have to define us.  If you have a need to connect, the connection will be provided.  Your job is to take that risk and embrace the outcome. It's okay to not have it all together. It's okay to struggle. And it's a blessing to share that we do. Trust me on this one.