Several month's ago a friend gave me a wrapped gift and the instructions to save it for a bad day. So long ago, in fact, I had to dust off the pretty wrapping paper. There is comfort in just having a box like that. Kind of like having a bell to ring if you need help. Just knowing you can get help makes all the difference.
I'm pretty good at holding it together, probably too good. Cover it with a huge dose of I can do this, followed by it's not so bad, and a butt load of positive self talk. Oh yes, and then stuff down those feelings for a while too. Not necessarily healthy but mostly productive.
Today, however, I owned that I needed to open that box. It was the perfect storm of emotions. Tears welled up and I finally said, yes tears, today I'll make time for you. Today it's hard, today it's frustrating, today it's overwhelming. Today I took my lunch to the truck and cried. Not saying I didn't eat my lunch and scarf down my dessert, but first I acknowledged how hard it is. It's hard financially and emotionally, it's hard to press forward. It's hard to find your footing. It's okay to say "today I am not okay". Today I need to pause and release some of the struggle.
It is a huge gift to ourselves to own our reality. To feel it and to wade through it. To mop up after it and go on. I am fairly certain I opened more than one gift today. For that I give thanks.
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