Wrestling and Releasing

I'm wrestling these days with how to move forward in life when I keep missing my past life. How does one do that? How do you release one to embrace the other. One would think I'd know how since I've made some serious life changes in the last three months. Let me own this, I feel clueless. I wonder if I'm where I'm supposed to be. I wonder if I'm answering my calling. So if you ever wonder that same thing, please know you are not alone. All I know is change is hard, so very hard. 

I recognize too, that my past life had struggles too. Yet, they were familiar struggles in a place that was home. At present, I have unfamiliar struggles in an unfamiliar place that doesn't feel like home. It's kinda an icky place to be in. Intellectually I know this is temporary. I wish my intellect and my emotions would have a come to Jesus moment and get on the same page. They are miles apart.

I feel kinda lost and alone. I feel uncertain. I feel like there is more unknown than known in my life. I know that sounds full of drama. I try to hold fast to verses of comfort and encouragement...be still and know....be not afraid...ask and you shall receive. Still this is a time of great adjustment, great transition, great growth. 

Wouldn't it be nice to know all the answers? Maybe, maybe not. Wouldn't it be nice to know how it will all unfold. Wouldn't it be nice to know this desert-like period will yield green pastures? Yes, yes it would. Oh Lordy, yes it would.

All this calls upon faith for the journey, trust in the process. And yes, it's hard. I've gotten a lot of practice at hard. Frankly, I'm sick of the hard stuff. Part of moving through this is breaking it down into small pieces, taking it one day at a time. I have to change my thought process from when will this end, when will I find comfort, to being open to each day's beauty and understanding tomorrow is another day. I only have to do today today. I only have to feel what I feel right now, own it and release it. I do have to breathe. I do have to let go and let God. And...then...having done all this I shall rest.