You Just Never Know

People are always willing to talk about suicide, just not intentionally to the people who have lost someone to it. Maybe it feels safer to talk to a stranger about it, I get that. It's safe because it's less personal. You are privy to something tragic, but it's not your tragedy. You can express your shock, your bewilderment, your knowledge about what happened, even if it's only pieces of the story. Most times it is only pieces of the story. 

Working in retail I've had this happen several times. People need help in selecting a gift to comfort someone grieving. First they just mention, for example, a friend lost her husband, or a neighbor lost a son. Then as the conversation continues they begin to throw out other details. It was a suicide. I can't believe it happened. They never saw it coming. You just never know do you? No, you don't. Can you imagine how horrible that is? Yes, I can. Even with affirmative answers like that they never consider they might be talking to someone who has suffered such a loss. They have a need to share because they are grateful it's not them and because it's catastrophic. But not their catastrophe. I get they are trying to make sense of what happened.

Perhaps I'm missing opportunities by not sharing my reality at that point. I find it more amusing than uncomfortable when discussions unfold this way. They wouldn't be so eager to talk about it if they knew my history. A few times I've shared my truth. Most times I hold back because it's not about me. Every time I grab a pen and paper and share the names of a couple books to recommend. They don't ask how I know, but are grateful to have something tangible they can do to help their friend. I hope they follow through and buy the books. I hope they give the books, find the words to talk, ways to listen, and are there for their friends. 

If they do that, in a way, I've helped another survivor. For that reason alone I give thanks for being in the right place at the right time. I find peace in those conversations rather than resentment. We just never know what another has gone through, do we? No we don't.