Whose life has ever really taken them precisely where they thought they would go? There must be some, who had a plan, pursued it, saw it come to fruition and are living it today. I love it if you are living that dream. I'm guessing, for the rest of us, we had a plan and somewhere along the way all the pieces were tossed like confetti to be reassembled into what was not at all our imagined life plan.
In high school I wasn't sure what I wanted to do after graduation, only that after that I wanted to be a wife and mother. The mother part worked out delightfully, the marriage part not so well. Yet, if not for my marriages, I would have missed so many amazing experiences, beautiful friendships and yes, heartache. Even what feels like failure holds blessings that are case sensitive. Can't have one without the other.
I still wonder if I am on the right path in life. Is work and solitary life all there is? How do I find peace with that? Am I pushing myself enough to be social? How do I build connections and maintain them. Am I accepting life as it is, but never wanted, and finding joy in it?
Don't get me wrong, I love my job, my kids are terrific, I've been blessed with good neighbors where ever I've lived, I have a warm and lovely home. Yummy food in the fridge and wine in the rack. I have treasured friends. And.... I will always carry heartache because one of the cards I drew in life was being a survivor of suicide loss. No one includes that one when they plan out their "perfect" life. Others have struggles they never included in their life plan, horrible losses, great disappointments, health issues, loss of faith, loss of love. One struggle does not trump another, they all change the trajectory of our life as we dreamed it.
How then to keep the faith when life turns out so vastly different? If I had all the answers I would have no reason to blog. So the good news is I have reason to share my life, my observations, my challenges. The bad news is I have reason to share my life, my observations, my challenges. Gotta love the irony of that.
So I'll ask you the same questions that I ask myself. Self, where are you in life? Can you, have you, taken the mix of cards you've been dealt and found some beauty, some peace, some grace in them. Are you doing enough, grateful enough, giving of your gifts enough, resting enough, taking time to heal enough? Heck, are you laughing enough, connecting enough, following your bliss enough? What exactly is your bliss and can google maps help find it? All of which is a work in progress, not a one and done checklist.
Where we thought we'd be in life and where we are probably don't match. Not necessarily a bad thing. The bigger plan in life has blessings we couldn't even imagine. It can all change in a minute. It has, it does. Look for the grace. Be open to the growth.
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