They say you can't go forward in life by continuing to look in the rear view mirror. Life is ahead of us not behind. I can't argue with that logic, but I also believe the lessons from the life behind us represent growth opportunities and experiences that take time to process and fully understand. If only learning was instantaneous. Instead it is an introspective process. Sometimes we aren't ready to embrace the lesson until we get further down the road.
Sometimes we make decisions assuming others are the problem without understanding how we influenced it. Sometimes we are spot on with our choices, based either on sound knowledge or trusting our intuition. Sometimes those choices which seem self protective are also self prohibitive with long term losses. They can be both. Life is complicated.
Things/decisions I do not regret. Saying yes to dogs. Thirty years ago I lived under the precept that "we weren't home enough to have a dog". So grateful, as are the dogs I've had the opportunity to love and foster, that I said wait, What? I can make room in my life for dogs. And, I did it in a big way.
I do not regret saying yes to marriage, even though twice it didn't pan out as I hoped and dreamed. Do I believe in it? Yes. Do I know, in spite of human mistakes, that I gave my all. Yes I do. Did it mess with my head, yup. Were they both huge losses, enormously. However, they were not without gifts and graces too many to number.
Do I regret or doubt that all this was divinely led? Not even a little. I am a far cry from practicing the faith I grew up with. Still I Believe. My faith has evolved with my life as it plays out. I know the big guy upstairs holds my hand daily. Just as I know he laughs at my Nancy-isms and blonde moments, leads me gently as I move through my days. Keeping me on the path even though my propensity to wander is strong. Hey girl, c'mon back, must be whispered in my ear daily.
Do I regret taking all this, this life that has been a lot, and sharing it with whoever needs it? Not even. I hope these words find their way to hearts hurting and healing. To hearts needing encouragement. To hearts worrying. To hearts open to being washed in grace. To hearts barely cracking the door to faith and grace. To hearts unsure they can go on. Trust me, we need you. My path is different than yours. But some life lessons transfer like credit from one school of life to another. Carry on, and know you are not alone.
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