Light For Our Dark Places

Things we wonder, in our heads, but may never say out loud.

I'll never get it right. I failed at this.... I am not succeeding at that. I will always be alone. I'm dumb. I am unlovable. I could have done better, I should have done better. I'm not smart enough. I'm afraid. No one will love me. C'mon people. I can't be the only one who has mental tapes that play like this. Maybe your tape says you are too fat, or too tall, or not pretty enough. Maybe yours is a dialog of comparison, they are more, have more, their life is perfect. 

These are uncomfortable feelings. Feelings that we define ourselves by. Sometimes deliberately sometimes subconsciously. So remember, a feeling is not a fact. We get tripped up by that. I know by opening up this conversation that I'm going out on a limb. It's a vulnerable limb. I'm hanging in the balance here. Will I hold on to these fallacies. Will I be dismissed because I'm sharing them? Will I reduce the scope of my world by holding on to them? Will I be judged by them. Which leads me to this question, who is the harsher judge? Kinda thinking it is me. It is way easier to blame myself, berate myself. Okay, in simpler terms, I'm pretty hard on myself. Are you?

Funny, sad funny, not ha-ha funny how much easier it is to tally what we didn't get right instead of what we did. What we aren't instead of what we are. What we haven't got instead of what we have. Do I know an easy path to heal all of this? Ummm, no easy path, but not an impossible task. All I can figure is I've been gifted with these words so I can share them. Share the feelings, share the faith, share being open to shedding light on our inner struggles. Giving some light to our dark places. 

We all have some dark places, am I right? We are not singularly flawed. That's the good news. Opening up and peering into our "flaw" box is humbling, and healing. Scary as hell too, so we resist doing it. But, what if I'm not all wrong? What if I get it right some of the time, and because I'm human I get it wrong some of the time. Could that be okay? What if I'm not bad, or stupid, or worthless, but someone told me I was so I believed it. What if I have a voice, but was shamed into not using it. What if I breathed out instead of holding it all in. That would be a weight off my shoulders. What if I am enough just the way I am? Wise enough, capable enough, safe enough, strong enough. Could that be my truth? That friends, that is the seed to plant, to nurture, to bring into the light. Trusting we find new light for our dark places.