I was looking at journal entries from two years ago. From when I moved from the country to the city. Isn't it wonderful we have no idea how hard something is going to be when we undertake it? Whoever said ignorance is bliss was a freaking genius. I still sometimes look longingly back. I still sometimes look back in horror. I still look back with gratitude.
Everyday I look at a little note on my mirror that says "what if it's better than you expect". There may be some dark humor in that if your expectations are non-existent. Two years ago I couldn't conceive of looking forward with that attitude. Two years ago everything was hard. Did I think of going back, at times I seriously did. Was it really an option, nope. Did I think of giving up, giving in? No, I did not. Did I wonder where I belonged, would it ever feel like home, would life ever not be hard, was it all a mistake? Heck yes. Show of hands for all of us who've been in that position.
I wish I could have done a fast forward to here and now. Except growth doesn't come fast, and sometimes you can't tell if you're moving forward. In between back there, and up ahead, is life in the middle.
Life in the middle is a 100% less stressful. Counting that as a win. Life in the middle has settled allowing me to settle in. Life in the middle will always include regrets. Life in the middle is different than I imagined, not exactly what I expected. Some of my expectations were hopeful but not realistic. Again, show of hands if you've shared this experience. Life in the middle gives me pause to realize how many prayers have been answered on my journey. How much has evolved better than I expected.
Life in the middle is a reflection of my past, my choices, my faith. I'm not where I was, I'm not where I'm going. Whatever you're in the middle of, and I know, we're all in the middle of something.... What if it's better than you expect?
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