There are certain things that make me anxious. Owning it is the first step. Thank God for that phrase, it sure comes in handy. Since I'm owning it, I'll expand upon it. I don't like going places when I don't know where I'm going. I know Google Maps has a better sense of direction than I will ever have, yet driving new places gives me anxiety. Yet, how do I experience new places if I never go? Is it fear of the unknown, fear of being lost, fear of not getting it right. Fear of being alone and lost. When hiking, I want to know where the path comes out before I take it. I'd have never made it as a pioneer. I don't even like walking into bars first, can I just follow someone please? I've had this fear of being alone for a long time, and yet, I've been alone for a very long time. Successfully I might add. My preference is feeling safe. In a place that feels comfortable with a support system I can count on. It kinda rules out much in the way of adventure. No one will ever describe me as adventurous. A little neurotic maybe, occasionally delusional, but not adventurous.
I like routine, routine feels safe. Routine can be lonely though. Since I lead a somewhat solitary life, I need to push myself. Well, I bet we all need to push ourselves. I bet some things make everyone anxious. Or maybe some people never feel anxious. Maybe they've been blessed with courage, curiosity and confidence. Maybe they got my share. It could happen.
I'd feel better if I had a copilot. Sometimes I forget that I do, it's the big guy upstairs. Instead of looking too far down the road, further than my eyes can see. I need to stay in the moment. Trust the process, be open to the plan. Yes, follow the directions, but believe in the outcome. Believe in me. And it wouldn't hurt to breathe along the way. What do you struggle with? And how can you move through it easier? Owning it is the first step, and baby steps follow afterwards. Breathe and believe as you travel the roads of life.
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