Soft & Gentle

There was a setback, there was a complication, we hit a bump in the road, it didn't go as planned. I shouldn't have done that. That was not what I meant. I never saw that coming. I should have anticipated that. I should have known better. I should have done something, or I shouldn't have done something. What was I thinking. Ever have conversations like these? Many of them happen in our heads, mental conversations where we second guess every little thing. 

I did this earlier this week. I was lamenting how something went. For making a mistake which changed a situation in a split second. I was feeling bad for not managing what happened. I expected to be able to control all the split seconds life throws at me. As if I ever had that much control. That's rather asking a lot, isn't it? Slightly unrealistic and entirely way too harsh. Because frankly, if I can't be soft and gentle with myself, who will be? It has to start here.

So, backing up that bus, how do we do that? How do we shift from criticism to encouragement? From holding unrealistic expectations hostage to accepting the flow of life, learning and self-love. I'd be a genius if I had a sure-fire answer to those questions. I am honestly, a work in progress. Case in point, I almost typed "I am just a work in progress". I erased the "just", I don't have to justify myself that way. I am a work in progress. I may be a slower learner, but I am a learner. I may not even be all that slow. Knowledge comes according to the bigger plan. When the timing is right, and I'm open to it, it all becomes clear. I do hold on to fear longer than necessary. So, I pray for the ability to release fear and increase faith. I accept that I am a human being prone to human moments. I won't get it all right, but I do my best. In fact, if I took time to count, I get a lot right. So, I take a deep breath, wrap myself in faith and forgiveness. Then I move softly forward. Having learned, having loved, having hope.