Some days I feel like I get nothing done. And I wonder, am I wasting a day, or am I healing? We all have healing to do. Physical healing, emotional healing, mental healing, occupational healing, faith healing.
I have a theory on this. Usually, my theories start with owning it is the first step. We take a lot of steps in life. Strong bold steps, tiny hesitant steps, slow regretful steps. Quick deliberate steps. Steps full of sorrow, steps surrounded in joy. Steps I tell you, lots of steps.
I think for years I was unable to slow down enough to do nothing. Stress, expectations, work life, parenting life, marriage life, past trauma's, anxiety. You name it, it was safer to go non-stop than to slow down. Slowing down requires a sense of safety. Don't get me wrong, sometimes life forces us to slow down. We tend to fight that tooth and nail. Slowing down comes with time to feel all the feelings. You know, the ones we often want to push away.
Maybe my age is slowing me down. Maybe I'm willing to while some time away, to be still and sit with life as I know it. Maybe I'm ok. Maybe life didn't go as I'd hoped. It's been messy and hard. It takes time to push past the grief and stigma to process all of that. This much I know. It's okay to make choices, question your judgement, have regrets, and still know you did the best you could at the time. It's important to own your truths. It's beneficial to share them. It's good to remember we are not alone. And, if we take time to just be and think we've gotten nothing done look within. Something important is happening.
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