Maybe You've Been There, Hopefully Not

Pinecones, ornaments, Christmas trees. In the past, decorating for the holidays was a magical thing. As a child I'd crawl behind the tree and marvel at the blinking lights, the bubble lights, the tinsel. As a newlywed I decorated with popcorn and gum drops. That was back in the day before themed trees and LED lights. One of my favorite memories is of nursing my babies by the light of the Christmas tree. I still love a macaroni ornament made by a child in grade school.

Over the years I lost the magic. In life and at Christmas. Once lost it's hard to find it again. Maybe you've been there. Hopefully not. It was easier not to revisit the memories. Easier not to feel. The kids weren't there anymore, weren't kids anymore. And frankly, life was hard. Maybe you've been there. Hopefully not.

Even in the hard times we're told to find our gratitude. To count our blessings, to be grateful. There is truth in that. But we also need to honor our other feelings which may be of loss and sadness. Gratitude does not negate grief. It's normal to feel both, somedays one more than the other.

There are those standing alone facing their first loss, those who's loss is on the horizon. Those who's loss has never been open to the light of grace. Those who's loss was years ago, but always close at heart. We do the best we can.

 

Wherever you are this season of life, do what feels comfortable. With twinkling lights, or without. For me, I got a tree this year. Honestly, it's been a minute since I've put one up. If you know me, you know there were tears involved, in addition to macaroni ornaments, ice cycles, blinking lights and pinecones.  I'll sit in the dark and marvel at the blinking lights, missing those times with my babies. I'll honor my blessings and remember the losses I've endured. I'll do the best I can. You do the same.