Pause, As Needed

This is the time of year when I'd normally sit down and write a Christmas letter. A time to share of my life over the course of the year and wish loved ones well during the holidays. This year I don't have it in me. I'm not sure why, but I can accept this feeling without fighting it.

I did sit down and read letters I wrote over the last several years. I write a good letter. Life has been full, and challenging. Life has taken me on bumpy roads and gravel roads. Through trials and into great blessings. From familiar homes with chosen family, to new homes with new friends and family. There were tales of graduations, job changes, job losses, weddings, moves, trips, sorrow, friendship and laughter. 

There have been constants in these letters. Love of family, faith in times of hardship, great friendships, the desire to foster dogs and help them find their forever home. Mostly because I can't own them all, but I can help a few on their path to a new life. There are stories of my kids. Who now look out for me, much as I looked out for them. There are too many blessings to count.

It's odd to write a Christmas card and not include a letter. Makes me question am I doing enough? Or was I doing too much and in the end, it doesn't matter? Maybe I was one of the few to do this. So many send a photo card, and I always long to know more about their lives. Maybe that's why I wrote, so that I could give them a way to paint a picture of my life. So often we just show a tiny part of our lives, not the whole picture, certainly not the messy parts. FYI, we all have messy parts. Owning them is the first step.

I've decided to go with the flow and give myself permission, in a time of honored traditions, to do something different. Maybe next year I'll share a letter again, time will tell. In this time of Christmas cards, carols, shiny ornaments and colorful lights do what feels right. If you have the energy to do what you always do, then do it. If you chose to scale back, scale back. You do you. I'm not losing a tradition, I'm pausing it. It's okay, we can all pause when we need to. And carry on when we're ready.