Holding Back

Ever notice how much you hold back? How closed off you can be, and the amount of energy it takes to do so?  Ever notice how lonely it is when you don't share? Sure we easily share the good stuff, but sharing our struggles, our challenges, our worries? That's another story  You have to hold your breath to hold it in and that is never a good thing.

So let's talk about "another story".  Maybe your other story is about a relationship issue, a work issue, or a scary health issue.  Perhaps it's as simple as wondering if you will ever fit it.  Maybe you are scared to move forward, to trust it's all good even if we don't know the outcome. Maybe your story is painful.  Could be your story makes you worry about being judged.

So you hold back.  Waving my hand and saying yes, I do that.  I could be doing it as we speak.  Fear is at the root of that and the challenge is to wash those fears in faith.  Funny thing is dogs generally don't hold back.  Healthy adjusted dogs are totally, completely, irrevocably in the moment.  And they aren't holding their breath.  They are game on ready for an adventure, a new experience, to meet a new friend and to trust treats will rain from the sky.

I have to wonder how many treats will rain from the sky if I have more faith in the process.  Suppose I let go rather than holding back. We don't have to be isolated.  Whether your nearest neighbor is a mile away or one door away. Start by breathing...by releasing the breath your are holding, and by going faith forward. I'm gonna lean on my friends and faith more.  I hope you will too.

Graces and Gratitudes

There are times in your life where your plate just overflows.  Sometimes with challenges and sometimes with graces.  Often both.

We live in a hard world.  The trick is to keep a soft heart.  I find the dogs help me do that.  Nature helps me do that and friends help me do that.

Lately I find myself especially blessed by friends.  I sometimes thought when we moved from the city I was leaving all my friends. It felt like it. It took a while to find new friends here in our country world.  I wonder if I was slow in making new friends because I was reluctant to let that old life go.

Here is what I discovered recently. Of course the story starts with a dog. Gunther entered our lives very recently as a foster and we just knew (well one of us did) that he was meant to be a forever dog. In reality it was probably not the best time to add another dog to the ranks, but the heart knows what it knows.  We needed him, he needed us.  When there is a will there is a way.

Shortly after he joined us he developed a mass on his leg.  Much as I wanted to pretend it was just a random lump, I knew it looked like a mast cell tumor.  Been down this road before.  I was relieved he hadn't been adopted to someone who would find him flawed or damaged goods.  To us, tumor or not, he is perfect.  He had surgery to remove the mass, and it came back as suspected.  Looks like we got it early with good margins, so we're doing the happy dance.

The amazing part of the story is about friendship.  Friends rallied to surprise us by chipping in towards his vet bill. They made payments by Paypal, by check and by card. At present, we have a credit balance at the vet clinic. Anyone who knows me and dogs will know what a miracle that is. The balance will remain for Gunther's future medical needs. What they don't know, or maybe they do, is the love that touched my heart by them doing so. People sometimes forget how one act of love can multiply. I won't. Every time I look at Gunther I will see my friends. They go where ever I go. I will see love....and I will be grateful.

The Bigger Picture

Sometimes we get all wrapped up in what "we" want that we lose sight of the bigger picture.  What is the bigger picture you ask?  The bigger picture may be a relationship, a job, a pursuit of happiness. You name it.  All of these things have a set of must haves and also a set of deal breakers.  Sounds like we're on a dating sight, right?  No, we're looking at life.

What works and what doesn't work.  What we will and will not do.  And yet, sometimes it's not all black and white, there is a lot of gray matter in between.  Therein lies fertile ground for compromise, for accepting the unexpected, for owning our part of the struggles and working together for resolution.  I used to be very firm about deal breakers, now I find there is room for adjusting those parameters.  Sure, some are non-negotiable.  Sometimes if I give a little, I get a lot.  Life is like that. Give a little, for the greater good. Give a little in the name of understanding, in the name of faith, in the name of working together.

We are working on a list of 1000 gifts that grace our life.  We're at 135.  Dang we have a long way to go. Ever notice how much easier it is to list the things that aren't right, rather than those that are?  Are you stuck in the good things, or stuck in the bad things in life right now?  Perhaps it's time to turn the page.

You know, sometimes it takes a tragedy to provide a wake up call, sometimes it is simply a quiet resolution to appreciate what we have in all it's messiness, with all it's challenges.  It is our bigger picture at stake.  We can chose our response, and in doing so add to the things that grace our life.

Luke 2:19

But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. ...  

I feel like I've been in Mary's shoes lately.  Perhaps it's a woman thing, or a Mom thing.  Some of my pondering comes in the form of worry. Try as I might, I struggle with this. Owning it is the first step, you know?  

I ponder the future, the past and the time in between.  I look forward, but can't resist a peek backwards.  I believe since I ponder things that my heart is actively engaged.  That is a good thing my friends.  

Recently I've been pondering the approach of Christmas, the traditions, the celebrations, the fact we don't live in a perfect world.  If things were perfect we could lavish all we love with gifts beyond measure.  Maybe lavishing love beyond measure is the best gift we can give.  Maybe it's human nature to want to go above and beyond, to give big, to show love in tangible ways.  It's humbling to offer just the depth of our love and trust it is good enough.  I tell my kids I wish I could do more, and they tell me I've given them more than they could ever ask for.

Maybe this is love.  You always want to give more and you are unaware how deeply your love touches others. So you give what you have and you ponder all these things in your heart.  And you do it in the company of Mary....so you are not alone.  

Saying Yes

Have you ever struggled with saying yes?  Seriously? I have, in fact I'm doing it right now. Sometimes in life we get stuck in the "no's".  No I can't.  No I shouldn't.  Not right now.

Perhaps it's fear that keeps us stuck, or perhaps our faith is shaken and our level of trust is wobbly. It is a path we all walk at some point in time.

This week's struggle came in the form of a new foster dog named Gunther. We knew coming in he was a doll, and easy keeper, a distinguished gentleman in fur.  Much like my beloved Mickey.  Chill, cool and stellar.

Your struggle in this arena might be in saying yes to a new career opportunity, to owning a truth, to taking a risk, to stepping outside your comfort zone.  Saying yes to the unknown.....frankly who isn't scared of that. It takes courage at times to say yes. Yes I will.  Yes I can.  And the flip side is saying No.  No I won't. No I can't.

In this case we've chosen to say yes to Gunther, to adding him to our family as a permanent member. But it has given me pause to consider if my heart is open to the "yes" opportunities life is sending me. So for me, and for you I pray to be open to the good things life is offering.  Take a look around you, they are there waiting to be embraced.

Gratitude

How do you measure gratitude?  Is it by volume, by weight, by the people who grace your table on Thanksgiving or by the way your heart is touched on a daily basis.  How is it defined? Is it the love of four footed furry friends, the support of family and friends, the awareness of beauty in our lives? Is it the blessings that show up when we most need them?

Perhaps it is a byproduct of hurts that bring tears to our eyes. It is, however, a very personal choice. It is what gives us strength to move forward and grace not to look back.

So on this day, and as best I can on every day, I give thanks. For both the joys and the tears. For those things that stop us in our tracks and those tracks that open to unexpected beauty. And for the dogs. Oh, come on, you knew I had to say that! For old dogs, young dogs, dogs who found forever homes, for dogs who have crossed the bridge. For dogs we don't know, but trust will find their way into our hearts and home.

I give thanks and I also wish you gratitude. May it be warm and soft around your heart. May it be light and joyful. May it be a belly laugh. May it be tears of joy. May it be your sunrise and sunset. May it even be present in times of sadness. May it overwhelm you...as it does me.



 

Cake, Harvest and Life Challenges

This morning I made a cake for my not so little boy.  Something I've done 32 times now.  Such a simple thing to celebrate a life.  Gone are the days he stood on the chair next to me waiting impatiently to lick the beaters.  Now I'm the impatient one as I wait to spend time with him.  When you get right down to it cake can be pretty poignant.  Life is precious, time flies, and making cake for someone you love is pretty darned special.

We find ourselves in the middle of harvest out here in our little section of the country.  While we don't personally farm, we are blessed to live in farm country.  We watch over the fields, are friends with the farmers and pray for their safety.  Crops are not the only things planted, tended and harvested.  Faith is very much the same.

Life challenges require us to dig deep and harvest our faith.  And face it, we all have them.  Illness, job loss, divorce, broken hearts, loss of a loved one, or just plain uncertainty.  At some point in life we face those hardships.  The challenges come, sometimes repeatedly.  And we struggle.  Until we remember we are not alone.

So I have to ask where are you in your harvest?  Who is sharing that journey? And, will there be cake?  In case you doubt, let me just say, yes, yes...there will be cake.  Better yet, it will be shared. Share your burdens, share your joys and spread your faith.  That's a blessed harvest.