Definitions

We have so many things that define us. Names, titles, occupations, roles we've played over the years. Going way back...cheerleader (a hundred years ago), student, girlfriend, fiancee, secretary, wife, mother, florist, divorcee, florist, florist, florist, fiancee, wife, blogger, volunteer, crazy dog lady, still a florist. The one that gets me though is survivor of suicide loss. Because that is one I know gets said behind my back, and never to my face.

I wonder how often his choice is used to define me, to explain me, to reference who I am. Oh that's so and so, her husband killed himself. Now maybe it never happens, but I'd be willing to bet that it does because of the stigma associated with suicide. 

I have no control over who says what. I get that. But the isolation of what happened makes for a lonely journey. I also understand that by defining others we try to feel a little better about ourselves. It puts them in a separate place and makes us feel a little more secure in a scary world. I totally get my experience represents a scary world for many people. Because we want to believe all is well, we like to think those we love are safe and happy. We want "safe" titles for who and what we are.

What happened does not define me, as much as serve to refine me. It pushes me towards growth and gratitude. It has changed me. You can whisper, oh her husband killed himself. But that "her" no longer exists. You see both Gordon's life, and mine as I knew it ended that day. After floundering, weeping, praying and being sustained by friends and family, I go on. 

All of the people who have been part of my life have shaped me, blessed me, and challenged me. None more than Gordon has in his life and his death. All that said, be gentle with how we define ourselves and others. We are all doing the best we can on any given day. I am not the sum of another's choice. I am simply me, putting one foot in front of another by the grace of God.