It's time to say Merry Christmas, Season's Greetings, best wishes and I love you. It's always time to say I love you.
I used to take Christmas for granted. As a child, what did I know? I knew the magic of tree's and gifts and feasts. I snooped once, searching the stack of presents, in my parents room. I didn't open the gifts, I just wanted to make sure there were some with my name on it. Funny I should worry about that, I was always a good girl. But sometimes even good girls have doubts.
As a young Mother I knew all about the gifts. I wrapped them meticulously, late at night, alone in the basement. I often wished I had company for that, just for companies sake. I wish I'd made it more of a festive ritual for me. Sometimes (often) we forget to include ourselves in the rituals. We are too busy giving to give back a little to ourselves. We are too busy with the business of life.
Even as an adult I rather took it all for granted. I shopped, I worked, I decorated, I wrapped, I raced through the season. I said Merry Christmas, I said I love you.
Enter a season of grief, and all that changes. All death is hard to accept, to make peace with. A tragic loss, or a loss from suicide brings more questions than one will ever have answers for. Regrets too many to number, and a profound shift in who you used to be as you define who you are now. I don't say that to dim the warm glow of the season. But to share the reality many people live with. In the midst of the mistletoe and the holly is a sorrow we carry. In the joy, we find the tears. In the midst of the love we feel the loss. We can be laughing one moment and crying the next.
Still the holiday arrives, with it's warm greetings, gifts and love. And, it is good. Even in the hard moments it is good. It's about the I love you's. It's about taking less for granted and embracing life with deep gratitude. It is about a silent night, and a star so bright. Wherever you are in life, in this Christmas season, hang on to the light, give thanks for the night.
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