I Am In Need

I am in need of some strength, for the journey is hard. I just don't know if I can do it. I'm not feeling very strong. I've been strong for so long, I need someone else's for a while. Will you lend me yours?

I need to borrow some faith. I know "let go and let God" in my head, I need to open it up in my heart. I feel shaken, and while I know the answers are up ahead, at this moment I need some reassurance. 

I need a big box of Kleenex. This week I had to put my beloved Hobbs to sleep, and the tears won't stop. Who knew a gnarly old pointer could take up so much space in my heart?

I need less change, and more consistency. Who knew when I started this journey how hard it would be? I was hoping for more adventure, less stress, more smooth transition, less uncertainty. Who dropped the ball on smooth transition??

Somewhere I misplaced my sense of humor and my confidence. Along with my appetite. I'll find it somewhere and when I do I'll have two pieces of Texas Sheet Cake and extra potato chips. And cheese, lots of cheese. And, wine, duh.

In the meantime, I'll need some patience as I wait for the right path to unfold. Let the record reflect I suck at patience. Waiting is hard. I'm not comfortable with not knowing. Yet, who of us really knows? I've been urged to settle, because it's only temporary. Boy do I wrestle with that concept. Of all the hard spots I've been in life, this feels the hardest. Is it really the hardest, or just a combination that is triggering everything? I'm gonna vote it's a combination of angst and uncertainty. Multiplied by the challenges of letting go. That sums it up.

I'm guessing I'm not alone. That we have all been, or are, or will be in between a similar rock and hard spot. So I'm gonna own my need to lean in on you as I grow. I trust you will hold me and I'll rest while you support me. I will do the same for you some day. It's what we do.