Permission

I've found myself saying lately...I didn't anticipate how hard this would be. Or, my expectations were not realistic. I didn't plan well enough. In a way I was blaming myself for not knowing what I didn't know. Or, could not have known without the life experience to back it up.

I think that's rather harsh, and who needs harsh in their life? I need a big dose of gentle, with a side of simple understanding, and a huge scoop of grace on top. In fact, I need to give myself permission. So I sat down today and wrote a whole list of things I'm giving myself permission for. I gave myself permission to heal, to feel hopeful, to grieve my losses. I gave myself permission to say no, and to say yes, to make mistakes, and to make different choices as needed. I gave myself permission to rest. Wow, that's a big one. I gave myself permission to forgive, to laugh more, to love again. I gave myself permission to learn as I go. I gave myself permission to weep from frustration, fatigue, sorrow and hurt. I gave myself permission to draw strong boundaries and use my voice. I gave myself permission to ask for help when I need it. I gave myself permission to look forward with joy. Sometimes I/we/you struggle with that. Past trauma and loss makes it hard to expect blessings beyond measure. It's easier to look back, at what may have been a desolate place in life, than to look forward to what can be a beautiful new beginning. I gave myself permission to grow and share my faith. I gave myself permission to have moments of weakness. I gave myself permission to be strong and beautiful.

One might think everyone understands these things, and permission should be a given. It's not, though. For the hurting, the wounded, the lost, the healing we need to find these graces. When you get right down to it, in some ways we are all the hurting, the wounded, the lost and the healing. We are imperfect people having human moments in need of tenderness and compassion. We start by giving ourselves permission. With permission comes growth. The growth is blessed by grace, which softens our hearts. Softer hearts sounds like a winner to me. I give myself permission to be okay whatever my circumstances are...I hope you will to.